


A Human More Stubborn than a Dwarf

by Longlivemyword



Series: A Human More Stubborn than a Dwarf [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Adventure, F/F, F/M, M/M, Medicine, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4740761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Longlivemyword/pseuds/Longlivemyword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hava the Healer has been cursed for over four centuries now. She's been careful not to fall in love with a mortal, but now she's stuck saving dwarves, dragons and hobbits where ever she goes. Can survive relationships, torture and Sauron?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Black Web

Chapter one: The Black Web  
“Good morning, Prince Fili,” I murmured quietly, offering a small bow in his direction.  
He offered a grin in return. “Good morning, Hava,” he greeted. “Off to make your rounds?”  
“Actually, I was off to the library,” I answered, pausing for a moment. “Why? Does someone need my help?” I inquired worriedly.  
“Er, not that I know of. I was wondering, however, if I might join you when you make your rounds,” he requested, rubbing the back of his head.  
I blinked a few times. I’m sure that was just an order from Thorin, right? Thorin had always been a little wary of my curse. He knew how helpful it was, but just the thought of not knowing the extent to which it could be used was unsettling to him. He knew I could obtain life forces, but he didn’t know how and with his paranoia, I wasn’t about to let him know it took only a snap of my fingers. Literally.  
I finally nodded my head a few times. “That shouldn’t be a problem,” I murmured. “I can do my rounds now if it is more convenient for you, my lord,” I suggested.  
“Er… sure, why not?” he agreed, grinning once again. His grin always reassured me. Of what?  
Just about anything, really.  
“Where do you start first?” he inquired as I turned and walked in his original direction.  
“I normally start in the west wing, top floor and work my way east, then down and back and forth. Sometimes it takes a while because this place is so huge, but normally it goes by pretty quickly, considering how watchful the dwarves are,” I complimented. “It really isn’t that often they need my help…”  
Fili nodded. “Makes sense. But you do know that no matter how small, your services are important and noticed by all. They’re appreciated by Thorin as well as everyone,” he said strongly, confident in his statement. He normally was. He almost never had a reason to lie.  
My cheeks tinted slightly, even thought he said this sort of thing often to me. I realized that thought it was called a curse, it was deemed a blessing by whom ever I ended up helping. I’d been thanked countless times, but when it came from Fili, it seemed to really hit home. I clutched my satchel tightly.  
“Ah…. Thank you, Fili,” I murmured quietly.  
After a few awkward moments of nothing but the thudding of Fili’s boots and the soft tapping of my slippers, I went through the contents of my satchels. I noticed this seemed to be a nervous habit of mine. Where in the world was everyone? Normally the halls were streaming with people, but now it seemed desolate.  
“Ah, how could I have not noticed this earlier?” I grumbled in disbelief.  
“Noticed what?” he murmured, trying to subtly look into my bag.  
“Hmm… nothing… but I’ll have to go away for a little while,” I mumbled, shaking my head.  
“What ever for?” he asked quickly, eyebrows furrowing deeply.  
I hesitated in telling him. I hadn’t explained to Thorin just yet what it was. I thought maybe he’d cast me out, finally having an excuse to get rid of me. My Death’s Grasp was used to hasten the healing process and while my mother’s potion did that, it was my curse that completely got rid of it. Without my Death’s Grasp, it would take hours to get rid of the wound and, depending on the wound, I might lose my patient by them. I know I said earlier I could obtain a life force like seemingly nothing, but truth me told, it took a lot out of me sometimes, especially if the creature was large. Besides, it wasn’t exactly in my nature to just go around snatching life forces.  
“I seem to have nearly run out of my Death’s Grasp…” I finally mumbled, gaze on the floor.  
“Is… what is that?” he asked, watching as I flipped through a small book while we continued walking.  
“It helps me with the healing process,” I sighed. “Bigger, more serious wounds take a long time and far too much energy for me to do by myself. I can’t make any more right now due too the lack of ingredients.”  
“Well, what do you need?” he inquired, seeming ready to jump on the horse, as they say.  
I glanced over at him. He would help anyone in need in a heart beat, especially his friends. I don’t know what I was to him, but he was to me the most precious of people. He was even a little higher than Lassor, to be honest. Heh, but I’d never tell him that. Lassor would kill me.  
“Death’s Cane, Corrupted Flowerlace, Inferno Parsley, Volcano Buttons, Glowering Feverfew, Grim Bower and Grave Ambrosia,” I listed off, showing him hand drawn pictures of each plant.  
“Hey! I’ve seen that button thingie at Uncle’s in the Iron Hills,” he exclaimed excitedly, grinning up at me.  
I nodded. “Unfortunately, they’re spread out really all across Middle Earth,” I mumbled, shaking my head.  
“Then someone should accompany you,” he nodded, seeming to already be forming a plan in his head.  
“Are you saying that someone should be you?” I teased, quirking an eyebrow.  
He bowed deeply, stopping in his tracks. “I’d be honored to, Lady Hava.”  
“H-Hey,” I stuttered, lightly brining him back to standing position. I kept my hands on his shoulders for a moment, before quickly pulling them away. “People would begin to wonder if they saw us like that…”  
As a human, one would be under the presumption that a dwarf would be half my height. Well, not really. I was around five and a half feet, only a foot taller than the prince. Considering the fact that my posture was awful and I was slumped over most of the time, shop an inch or two off of that.  
“Bah…” Fili mumbled, snapping me from my thoughts.  
“Isn’t it improper for such a high ranking dwarf to kneel in front of such a lowly human?” I inquired, gaze averted.  
“Not if I don’t consider you lowly, which you’re not,” he chided. “In my opinion, you’re higher than any Queen, no matter the species.” Before I could even retort, he said. “Come on, let’s do those rounds and meet up with my uncle to see what arrangements we can make for getting those plants,” he murmured.  
I could only nod and quietly follow him, words seeming to escape my grasp.

The rounds didn’t take very long at all. There were only one or two injured and they were minor injuries.  
“Do you think my uncle would allow us to go alone?” he inquired aloud.  
I paused, face burning. I swallowed hard before stuttering, “P-Probably not.”  
“Oh, I didn’t realize I was speaking aloud,” he laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.  
I just shrugged. “It’s fine… but uhm… I heard your uncle had some things he needed to go over with you over the next few days… then again, maybe he could hold off for a little while longer. Sauron has been pushed back by Gandalf and Lady Galadriel. The only ‘threat’ is perhaps the random thief or two, which I’m sure you’d have no problem taking on.”  
“One or two?You’d better believe I’d be able to take on one or two! I could take on ten!” he exclaimed, giving a loud, hearty laugh.  
I just grinned. “Riiight,"I teased.  
"Do you really mock your future king? Only the future queen could stand to do that.”  
“Well then, where’s my ring?” I joked, holding out my hand.  
Fili, Kili and myself bonded instantly when we first met. Although my shape-shifting friend, Lossor, wasn’t to fond of the Company (for the sole fact that they’re all men), we still got along well. And teasing each other about marriage was out favorite thing to do, really. Kili was already promise to Tauriel (although she was quite unaware of the arrangement) by the time we met, so it was only appropriate that Kili tease and poke fun at Fili and myself.  
But he reacted differently this time.  
He simply looked away and abruptly entered Thorin’s area of work. I blinked a few times, unsure of what just happened. Thorin looked up from some papers he was going over with Balin, who also looked over. Thorin quirked an eyebrow. He hadn’t been in the best of moods ever since Bilbo went back to the Shire to make some arrangements.  
“Ah, hey, Uncle… so I was– or rather Hava was–”  
“So you two are finally betrothed?” Balin inquired.  
“W-What–?” I stuttered, eyes going wide and face going red.  
Thorin just shook his head. “Balin… Quit with the antics,” he muttered. “What is it?”  
I took a moment to compose myself. “I… I have to leave for approximately three to four months.”  
“What ever for?” Balin inquired.  
“I have a potion, a mixture of herbs, if you will, that helps me heal the more complicated injuries,” I explained, “However, I’m running out and need to gather the seven necessary ingredients. They’re unfortunately spread out across Middle Earth.”  
I walked over and showed the three dwarves my book, which contained an small map of Middle Earth, including the areas where each ingredient could be found.  
“Mmm…” Thorin hummed. “Alright. I want you to take Dwalin and Bofur.”  
“No way, uncles! What about Kili and I?” he intercepted, stepping forward.  
“Out of the question,” he growled.  
“And why’s that?” Fili demanded.  
“Because you two are heirs to this throne! You looked to learn how to do things correctly, not frolicking around Middle Earth, looking for some stupid flowers with some stupid human girl!” he snapped.  
i flinched back, head lowered. Thorin’s gaze snapped to me and it immediately softened.  
“I’m sorry, Lady Hava,” he apologized.  
“No, no, it’s fine,” I laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of my head. “Used to it…” I mumbled, then cleared my throat. “How about I just go alone? I need to stop by the Shire anyways and I can grab Lossor. I’m used to traveling alone with him,” I shrugged.  
“Out of the question,” Fili growled. “What if you get taken again?”  
“Again?” inquired Thorin, looking from me to his nephew.  
“Not again,” I said quickly. “Not what he meant,” I added, shooting a small glare towards the prince.  
“But she’s also a lady and ladies–”  
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence, lad,” Balin murmured, shaking his head.  
I simply snorted. Sure, I simply adored that stupid dwarf, but he was getting on my nerves right now. “Just because–”  
I stopped, seeing the spiderweb in the window sill. I cautiously went over and looked at it more closely. Black. A black spiderweb. That could only mean…  
“Hold still, Hava, you’ve a spider on your head,” Fili murmured.  
Before I could stop him, he grabbed the spider with his ungloved hands and let out a yelp of pain, jumping back. I whipped around, eyes wide.  
“No!” I shouted, grabbing Fili’s hand.  
“What? It just bit me,” he grumbled, embarrassed for yelping at such a seemingly simply thing.  
“Fili! Hold still,” I snapped, yanking his hand back towards me. I flicked the spider to the ground and poured wax from a candle over it. Once it solidified, I looked back at Fili’s hand and groaned.  
“What? What’s going on?” Thorin demanded, standing up now to try and get a better view.  
“Your nephew got bit and Hava is babying him.” Balin sighed, shaking his head.  
“No! You don’t understand! That was a Black Web Spider!” I exclaimed. When they still didn’t seem to get it, I groaned. “The venom in a Black Web Spider will kill Fili.”  
“Then help him!” shouted Thorin.  
“I can’t! My potion! I-I…. I need to get my potion…”  
“But…” Fili murmured. He already died once and that was a quick death. This one… would last a lot longer.  
Thorin’s face went rigid and he pursed his lips.  
“How long?”  
“Six months,” I said, letting out a shaky sigh. “If we’re lucky.”  
“Isn’t that plenty of time?” Balin inquired. “You said three months earlier.”  
“I also said if we’re lucky. The most common time of death is… three months,” I breathed.  
Thorin was silent for a moment. “Take Kili and go,” he ordered.  
I nodded and dragged Fili back to his quarters.  
“Strip and get under the covers,” I murmured. “Now!”  
He hurriedly did so as I grabbed the rest of my potion. Once under the covers, I went over and sat on the bed. I took his hand and after chewing up the mixture, smeared it on his hand.  
“Don’t wipe that off,” I murmured, already feeling the poison seeping through my own body. “This won’t stop the poison, but there shouldn’t be much pain.”  
“But… Hava…” he started.  
When I looked at him, he was already sweating in waves, probably from the fever. This wasn’t a good sign. The poison was running through too quickly. He’d never been introduced to any sort of poison before… I gently put my cold hand on his forehead.  
“I’ll have someone come in with a cool cloth before I leave. Drink a lot of water… you’ll be puking a lot,” I murmured quietly.  
“Hava…”  
“Try not to talk too much, Fili,” I mumbled, starting to stand, but he grabbed my wrist, demanding my attention.  
“Hava, my uncle has me betrothed to a dwarrow; a princess,” he murmured. “I’m sorry… I wanted to… tell you earlier… but…”  
I blinked a few times. “Ah… all right… I’m sure she’ll be rather disappointed if you die, so I should get going,” I mumbled, taking my wrist back.  
I quickly left the room, closing the door behind me. Why was my heart beating so loudly? I could have sworn I heard the thumping echoing through the hallways. No, wait… I looked up to see Kili hurrying towards me.  
“Hava!” he called out, worry smeared all across his face.  
“Kili… He’ll be all right, but we need to get a move on,” I said quickly, starting to walk passed him.  
“Then why are you crying?”  
I paused abruptly, swallowing hard. I wiped my face roughly. “Uh, well… I care for him, yeah? Like I care for you,” I added quickly.  
“But you said not to worry!”  
“No, I didn’t! I said he’ll be all right. I know he will, but I worry about all my patients… we need to leave,” I insisted, glancing over my shoulder at him.  
He looked at me, unsure, then sighed. “Allright, allright. We’re picking up Bilbo in the Shire, right?”  
I nodded and continued out until Tauriel seemingly came from nowhere.  
“I want you come too,” she demanded.  
“Tauriel, I need you to watch after Fili. We can’t afford too many people on this expedition,” I murmured impatiently.  
She looked quite offended and turned her attention to Kili, who just shook his head. Tauriel clenched her jaw, but finally nodded.  
“Don’t you dare die on me,” she mumbled.  
Kili simply grinned and hugged her. “No one is going to die,” he reassured her.  
Tauriel gently lifted his face and passionately kissed him. I glanced away, my own jaw clenching. I was trying not to think about the engagement, but it was hard with these two making out every step of the way. I cleared my throat and they parted. Tauriel pecked his cheek before we went off.  
Thorin met us at the gate. He looked at Kili, before shifting his eyes to me. I refused to met his eyes, but I could just feel his eyes burning into me. He knew I knew.  
“I wish you luck, you two,” he finally mumbled, moving his gaze elsewhere.  
“Thank you, Uncle. We will be quick in out return,” Kili replied.  
I thanked Bofur when he came to us with a pony and a horse. I climbed upon the horse, my horse, Rosie, and checked my satchel for various tools and jars I needed. Some of these plants were dangerous to touch or impossible to break or– well, you get the picture. No one ever touched or even went near these plants. Guess who gets the honor of sticking them in their mouth and chewing the cursed things up?  
Oh yeah.  
It’s a party.  
When I heard Kili mount his pony, I glanced over.  
“Hava,” Thorin started.  
“No time. Need to save you nephew. Bye,” I said quickly, still not looking at him as I lightly nudged my horse, telling her to go.  
It didn’t take long for Kili to catch up.  
“What in the world is your problem?” Kili demanded, looking up at me.  
“How about Fili dying? Is that a good enough answer for you?” I snapped, but then paused. “Sorry…. Didn’t mean to snap,” I sighed.  
“There’s something more. You’re anger is directed towards my uncle. Why?”  
“Were you aware that Fili is betrothed?” I finally inquired.  
“Oh, he finally asked your hand?!” he exclaimed eagerly, grinning.  
“Ah… not exactly. More like your uncle betrothed your brother to some dwarrow princess,” I grumbled. So Kili knew my feelings– woah wait a minute. Finally asked my hand… Was he–  
“Are you insinuating that your brother was planning on–”  
“No! Well… no, not really,” he mumbled. “I know you like him… Guess that sucks, though. Ah well, heard Thranduil was making googly eyes at you the entire war,” he teased.  
“Oh nasty,” I muttered, sticking my tongue out in disgust. I shook my head.  
“Stop joking around,” I sighed. “And I don’t like your brother. Not in a romantic way.”  
“Then who do you like?”  
I understood then what Kili was doing. I knew he was simply trying to distract me from A) Fili’s illness and B) the engagement. Of course, it wasn’t true that I didn’t look at Fili in a romantic way, but clearly that was out of the question now. I wasn’t sure how to answer his question, so I looked down at my map for a few moments. I was hesitant to go through Mirkwood forest, even if the darkness had been lifted, but it was much faster than going all the way around. I knew Kili was watching, waiting for me to answer.  
“No one, I guess,” I mumbled finally, not taking my eyes off the map. “We’ll go South until we reach the elven path. Apparently Lord Elrond helped clear it out enough for horses to go through. Apparently, he was pretty upset at Thranduil for not taking proper care of it.”  
Kili snorted. “Yeah, because it’s just like Thrandork to make an easier access way for just anyone to enter his forest and leave alive.”  
I chuckled. He had a point. Thranduil had a tendency to no think highly of anyone but himself and perhaps that’s what aggravated me the most. Normally, I wasn’t fond of very many creatures that walked around on two feet. Though they had bigger brains, they may as well have a pea sized one, especially the selfish ones. I was all too familiar with that type.


	2. A King No Better Than Smaug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil being Thranduil

Chapter two: A King No Better Than Smaug

four hours later and we reached the road. It certainly did look nice now. There was a legitimate path this time and I noticed the Glowing Frogleg flowers that lined the stone path. How nice and thoughtful of Lord Elrond to light a path. Although a relative of the Glowing Feverfew, the Froglegs were not potent enough for my tastes, and I was in no position to make any untested changes to my mother’s potion. The pain in my stomach from the poison was becoming a little too noticeable, so I searched my satchel for my pain potion. Although I had created it myself, I had let my father name is. Unfortunately, he had a smart mouth so he called it the Vial of Iron Skin. He certainly did have a way with words. I groaned when I pulled out my vial pouch only to see I had half a vial left of the pink liquid. I glanced around at our surroundings and spotted my main ingredient. Unlike Death’s Grasp, I only needed three ingredients for the Vial of Iron Skin: Angel Wings, Red Kiss and Fluttering Rose. I knew most of my ingredients lie in these woods and snickered at the knowledge of one of those usually being on the King of Mirkwood’s crown.

“Kili, hold on a moment,” I murmured, stopping my horse and climbing off.

“Where are you going? We’re supposed to stay on the path,” he reminded me wearily, taking Rosie’s reins anyways.

I knew his passed experience in these woods, but he’d just have to deal.

I snorted. “I’ll be fine. I see an ingredient for Iron Skin right over there,” I mumbled, slipping through some trees.

I knelt down and gently picked some Angel Wings. They were delicate, white flowers with only two petals, shaped similarly to wings. They almost seemed to hum sweet melodies as I gently placed them in one of my extra jars. After scooping up some soil with my hands and placing it in, I closed up the jar, murmuring apologies to the flowers.I know, I know. Silly, right? Wrong. My father said it was only polite, especially to these flowers. Picking them was bad luck, however, if you apologized, good luck was said to wash over you instantly. And we needed good luck more than anything.I scampered back to my horse and we continued along the path.

“So, you’re almost out of your paint medicine, too?” Kili grunted, quirking an eyebrow.

I nodded. “Although I tend to use more pain medicine than the other, I always run out at the same time.”

“Oddly convenient.”

“Indeed.”

Not long after, I spotted some patches of Red Kisses. They are animated flowers, lip-shaped, that often try to kiss who ever is near them. They’re perfectly harmless and even cute. Until you pick them.

“Kili, cover your ears.”

Knowing better than to waste time questioning me, he nodded and did as he was asked. I swiftly picked a handful and only received three seconds of ear-bleeding screeching before I shoved them into the jar with the Angel Wings. I sighed and shuddered, but suddenly paused. Was I hearing things or did a twig just break? A normal person wouldn’t be able to hear anything after that, however I was unaffected due to constant exposure. A little paranoid, I quickly went back to Rosie and climbed up onto her. Without much warning, an elf with braided blond hair landed in front of my horse. In turn, Rosie reared back, causing her to knock me flat onto my back with a grunt. I maneuvered well enough so as to not land on my satchel full of glass.

“Apologies. I didn’t intend on startling you,” an elf I recognized as Legolas murmured.

“Although I don’t necessarily think that is true, hi,” I grumbled, stiffly getting up and brushing my self off as I heard Kili put his sword away.

I watched Legolas give Kili a side glance, clearly not over the whole falling-in-love-with-Tauriel thing, then he turned his ice blue eyes towards me.

“Greetings. My father requests your presence.”

“Well, tell him I’m very busy right now. Besides, I’m not much use to him at the moment anyways,” I mumbled.

“You know full well he will not accept that answer,” he said carefully, body tense.

“Well, he’ll have to,” I snapped, climbing back onto a calmed-down Rosie. “I need to gather ingredients for my potion, which I am pretty useless without.”

“We can send scouts for that,” he suggested, stepping towards me.

“Goodbye, Legolas,” I muttered, starting away.

The last person I wanted to deal with right now was that good for nothing, stuck-up Smaug of a king.

“I was hoping not to have to do this,” he murmured. “Apologies, once more, my lady.”

“Oh for–”

Suddenly, two more elves showed up from seemingly no where and, a sharp pain in the back of my neck later, I was out cold.

“Sorry for being so rough, however, if you had simply complied, force would not have been necessary,” Thranduil spoke gently to me.

I had woken up in bed chambers, I gather, from the bed I was lying upon. In his bed chambers. I slowly sat up and looked down and shuddered upon noticing the silk, elven clothing they had me dressed in. I started to stand, but Thranduil held a slender hand out.

“No, I insist,” I growled, moving his arm and standing.

I stretched my arms up high above my head, back cracking. I could see Thranduil flinch out of the corner of my eye. I knew he hated that sound among others.

“Where are my clothes?”

“I cast them out, of course. Burned. They were absolutely filthy and you deserve far better,” he purred with a playful smirk on his face.

I just looked around more. That little… I had literally just obtained those clothes from the dwarves. Upon spotting my satchel, I went over and slipped it over my shoulder so it rest comfortably across my body.

“I… appreciate the new clothes, King Thranduil, however, I must be getting back to Kili and be on my way,” I said, trying my hardest not to grit my teeth.

No one angered me more than him, to be honest. Not even my old king. I didn’t exactly have a soft spot for kings who abandoned supposed allies. I was vaguely aware that my hair had been braided, or at least pulled back out of my face. This was also very displeasing to me. Unlike him, I had no way to hide my scars unless I used my hair. I despised mirrors and avoided them at all costs, lest I see the hideous reminder of my out casting. Why did I also faintly smell jasmine? I was aware that was his usual bath scenting was jasmine, but man was it stronger than usual.

“Or, you could stay and become my healer and I let the dwarf go,” he proposed, moving towards me deliberately slow.

“King Thranduil,” I started, trying my best not to shudder in disgust as I saw what that did for him, “I truly don’t have time to play such a long standing game. I need to complete my potion and save Thorin’s nephew, Fili. Once that is done, I… I promise to stop by shortly and help out the best I can. However, I’m… unaware as to why you need me. You and your elves are the most capable of them all, especially when it comes to battle,” I said lightly, spine rigid.

He beamed at that. “You’ll come to realize it is much better here than in some smelly mountain.”

“Yes well, although I don’t intend on staying here, I… will not be living in Erebor either.”

“Used and abused. You poor thing,” Thranduil moaned, standing in front of me in one swift step and wrapping his arms around me, shoving my face into his chest. I hated tall people.

“Right, well, I really must be going,” I insisted, gently pushing away from him.

“Yes, yes… You, go with this… wonderful woman,” he paused to look me over, “and free the dwarf. Return their horse and pony as well,” he ordered a near by guard.

That was far easier than I had anticipated. Normally it took me hours and hours to convince Thranduil that I couldn’t stay. I didn’t stop by Mirkwood that often. I gave Thranduil a small bow and went off with the guard. I knew the only reason he was letting me go, why he ever let me go, was on the promise of my return. I knew, also, that he wasn’t about to let me go upon my return, but what did I care anymore? I enjoyed the dwarves’ company, but I had come to realize one of the only reasons I stayed was because of Fili. How selfish of me. Only using my curse in one place. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? It was a curse. As a doctor, it’s almost my nature to want to save everyone, but that was physically impossible, hmm? I couldn’t be every where at once and although the elves were usually quite capable, so were the dwarves.

“It may not be my place to reassure you, my lady, but it was two she-elves whom bathed and dressed you,” murmured the guard after a while of silence.

Having had snapped my from my thoughts, I simply nodded, but then snorted.

“Then who braided my hair?” I inquired.

He remained silent, eyes casting away from me. I knew it. I also knew Thranduil too well to know he wouldn’t dare defile me. He knew it would only take a second for me to have his life force in one of my vials. I also know that, even though how extremely self-absorbed he was, he had some small respect for privacy. Kili suddenly came to the door of the cell.

“If I get locked in here one more time, I’m going to kill someone,” he growled.

“It’s all right now, Kili. Let’s just get out of here,” I sighed.

“How did you get him to let us go? I mean you, I understand, but me?” he questioned, stretching as he exited the cell.

To someone of human height or more, it’d be cramped, but he seemed fine in it. Maybe he built them specifically for the dwarves. I inwardly rolled my eyes at the thought.

“We made a deal. Nothing extreme,” I reassured him, holding my hand up to stop the guard from following up. I knew my way around. It most certainly was not my first time here.

Kili looked unsure. “What sort of deal?” he asked.

“I told him I would visit after I heal Fili,” I told him honestly. I know it wasn’t the full truth, but it was still the truth.

Kili eyed me curiously. “What for?” he demanded of me as we arrived at our steeds.

I climbed up onto mine and couldn’t help but think back on the luxurious chamber. Silk drapes hung from ceilings that seemed to go on for eternity. The bed itself was much softer than expected; larger, too. seemed as though you could comfortably fit the entire company on it.And it felt warm. Sure, the room in which I slept in Erebor was warmed by the small fireplace near the bed, but there wasn’t any flame in Thranduil’s chambers. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of the thought.Thranduil was no longer capable of love. Not after loving his wife. My heart did not hasten in pace when I thought of that king. My stomach did not flutter when I thought of that king. My knees did not fail me when I thought of that king. Fili was a completely different story.

“Just to help out for a couple of weeks. No big deal. Not like you guys can’t survive without me,” I snorted as we started off.

“Fili can’t…”

“That’s because he killed a spider. Instances like that–”

“Not like that! He can’t survive without you there; ever,” he murmured.

I swallowed hard as we passed through the gates, out into the woods.

“Just travel south for somewhere around five miles and you’ll reached the path,” assured the guard.

Why their palace didn’t connect right to the path, I’ll never know. I nodded stiffly and went off, shifting uncomfortable in my saddle.

“Don’t do this right now, Kili,” I murmured.

“Do what? Tell you the truth?” he muttered.

“You know it’s better for your brother if he–”

“Is with you! Hava! You know he likes you–”

“Watch your mouth,” I snapped. “Your uncle would have my head if anyone were to insinuate such a thing.”

“Oh no he wouldn’t!” Kili exclaimed, trying to get into my line of sight.

“Then you know nothing of politics,” I growled. “We need to focus on the task at hand.”

Kili watched me for a few moments, before looking away. He was fuming, but he would just have to deal with it. After a while, I noticed we should have been on the path. I looked around quietly, confused. Kili, too, searched.

“Perhaps we continue south,” I suggested, glancing over at him.

He simply nodded and we continued on. The woods were getting darker and, even though I’ve been traveling for the past several hundred years, I was terrified of the dark. “Perhaps we should stop for the night,” I suggested, looking around uneasily.

“Why? We wasted too much time with that flamboyant king. Besides, it’ll be easier to find the path with those glowing things,” Kili grumbled.

“But we can’t navigate through such thick wooding in the dark. There isn’t even moon light,” I countered, shaking my head.

He watched me for a few moments, before sighing. “All right, all right,” he mumbled.

Soon enough, we were set up for the night. I had my bedroll somewhat close to the fire, but I was sitting up, my cloak around my shoulders, sword in hand.

“Why so tense? The woods are free of Sauron’s evil, right?” Kili murmured, watching me.

“You never know what’s out there,” I mumbled, eyes darting about.

Rosie wandered over and laid behind me, neighing softly. I gently leaned against her, but kept my wits about me. I didn’t sleep all night, but kept the fire going, occasionally chewing up the Angel Wings and grinding up some Red Kisses. Thankfully, they had died some time ago, so no more screaming. Kili woke up just before dawn and we both packed.

“Hava… I’m sorry about yesterday,” he apologized quietly, glancing towards me as we worked.

“No need,” I mumbled with a sigh. “I just want to get home and take care of him.”

I knew Kili was watching me as I mounted my horse, but it didn’t matter what he thought of that sentence. It was true, I just wanted to go back. Go back to Fili. It’s funny: I got used to waking up and being found by Fili, who seemed to be right on time every morning. I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of seeing Fili’s smiling, cheery face every morning.

“Well, you seem to be in a better mood today,” Kili commented, cheekily, as we rode along.

“Ah, just… thinking about Fili,” I admitted. “Do you… think he’ll be happy? I mean, knowing Fili, the thought of an arranged marriage probably seems horrid, however, I imagine he might be able to get used to the idea… especially if she’s a nice person,” I murmured quietly.

Kili snorted. “The idea is murder to him,” he grumbled. He shook his head and looked around. “I don’t think he’ll ever get used to marrying a stranger.”

“She won’t be a stranger if they get to know each other,” I retorted, quirking an eyebrow. He looked back at me again and mumbled something under his breath.“Why can’t you just be happy for your brother?” I inquired quietly.

“You aren’t either!” he spat.

“Of course I am! You guys are my closest friends and I’m as happy for you and Tauriel as I am for Fili and his fiancee,” I murmured, glancing around the woods.

“Then you must not be very happy for us,” he grumbled.

“Shh…” I hushed, feeling uneasy. We still hadn’t found the path and I was losing all sense of direction.

“Don’t tell me to shut up, you can’t keep hiding–”

“Shut. up,” I hissed, looking at him with a look that said shut up or risk death.

Kili seemed to be catching onto the fact that it was getting much darker and even mustier.

“This isn’t possible,” I mumbled, stopping.

“Wha… isn’t this… Dol Guldur?” Kili murmured, glancing around.

We went further out of the woods and looked up at the sky. Noon. We’d been traveling for seven hours at least. Kili shuddered.

“The last time I entered those woods, we got dangerously lost…” he grumbled.

“And nearly eaten by giant spiders,” I finished. “Bilbo told me everything in great detail, ” I added, looking around. “Well, might as well see if we can’t find some Grim Bower,” I mumbled.

I hated this place, I truly did. Who didn’t? The scars on my back tingled and I tried to shake it off. Azog the Defiler was dead. I’d seen Thorin kill him with my own eyes and yet..His presence lingered.

“Why do you think Sauron chose here?” Kili murmured as he tied up our horses while I started searching.

“Maybe because he could not survive where the sun shines brightly,” I murmured. “It seems to constantly be overcast here,” I noted, glancing up at the ruins of the once great fortress.

“Where do you think he is now?” he inquired, venturing over to me.

“Hopefully Hell,” I snorted, then got out my book. “Here, this is what the Bowers look like. Do not let it touch your skin,” I warned.

He nodded, taking in the full image before wandering off. I glanced around wearily, eyes lingering on the ruins before a shout from Kili tore my eyes away. I made my way over to the dwarven prince and grinned.

“Excellent find, Kili!” I exclaimed, slipping on my leather gloves and picking a few of the stocks.

They were a dark grey and in the shape of some sort of hold, perhaps an entrance to a tunnel. They only grew near graves, similar to the Grave Ambrosia, though it was too dark for there to be any of those here.

“I don’t see any graves,” mumbled Kili uneasily, looking around.

“People often mistake the attraction to be for the headstones. These homes are made by spiders, cousin of the one who bit your brother. They’re attracted to the corpse more than anything, “I explained, closing the jar. "However, these spiders are fairly harmless, their venom unable to do more than numb the area where one was bitten. Not lethal,” I mumbled. “Besides, they usually keep themselves.”

“I don’t see any corpses either…” he pointed out.

“Because I buried them,” I sighed, shaking my head.

He looked like he wanted to ask, but I abruptly pulled out my map and murmured, “We should head north-west… Up towards Rivendell.”

“Yay, more elves,” he grumbled.

I rolled my eyes playfully. “If we go west first, we’ll be out of the woods sooner,” I sighed. “Don’t really want to become lost again.”

“Agreed.”


	3. Glowing Faces

Chapter three: Glowing Faces

An hour later and we were out of the woods. I sighed with relief when the sun hit my face and stretched widely. Being in the sun was my favorite thing, really. I thought about how Fili usually wanted to come along with me if I wanted to leave Erebor, even if it was for a few minutes, or if I were to go to Dale to heal someone. I appreciated his company, but the thought of all that stopping hurt my chest and my smile faded. 

“Hey, come on… it freaks me out when you suddenly frown,” Kili murmured, riding up alongside me.

“Huh? Oh… I was just thinking about how Fili always used to accompany me outside of Erebor. I suppose that’s all going to stop soon, huh?” I mumbled, eyes downcast. 

“He’ll always find time for you, Hava,” Kili tried to reassure me, lightly nudging my arm.

I just shook my head. 

“He won’t have to make time for me when I leave,” I said rather suddenly. I knew that was sort of a bombshell for Kili, but, why hide it? 

“You’re leaving?!” he shouted, stopping his pony suddenly.

I also stopped, heaving an aggravated sigh. “I’ve come to realize it’s selfish of me to simply stay in one place and only help you guys Besides, I still haven’t found the promise land,” I added. 

“this is literally you throwing the most stupid temper tantrum because you can’t have my brother!” he shouted.

I paused for a few moments, only able to blink a few times, before slumping slightly.

“I’m sorry, Kili. That’s just how it’s going to be,” I mumbled.“It’s completely irresponsible for–” 

“For you to leave! Take charge! Demand Fili’s hand!” he exclaimed desperately.

“That’s not how things work in the grown up world and you know that,” Imumbled. “Just because you and Tauriel got the happy ending you wanted doesn’t mean everyone else does…” 

Kili growled something under his breath, though did not argue further. I finally looked up, keeping my eyes straight ahead. 

“Kili… I’m sorry. I won’t be gone forever,” I promised. “I’ll make sureto come back. I can’t wait to see how many kids you and Tauriel will have,” I chuckled, attempting miserably at lightening the mood. When he remained silent, I continued, “I’ll have to baby sit every once

in a while, yeah? Let you two kids go out on a couple of dates. Fili, too. I’m sure he’ll have plenty of kids, too.”

“Girls.”

I frowned, confused and looked over at him for an explanation.

“Tauriel wants lots of girls,” he murmured. 

I smiled softly.

“Good. There needs to be more girls in that stuffy, male infested mountain,” I teased.

“My mom is leading out people to Erebor as we speak,” he mumbled. “Oh no… if she finds out about Fili…” 

“She won’t. Everything will turn out all right,” I said confidently.

He looked up at me, then ahead once more.

“You’ll like my mom. She’s… she seems to be able to help everyone.”

“Good to know,” I murmured, thinking back upon my past.

We sat up camp at the base of the mountains. The mountain pass wasn’t very wide, but I’ve traveled this mountain range before and I was confident when I traversed it through the day time. During the night, however, was a completely different and scary story. I was set up in a similar fashion as the other night. Rosie was yet again behind me and I rested against her. Kili calmly came over and handed me a bowl of soup.

“Thank you,” I murmured softly, accepting the bowl, enjoying the warmthseeping into my hands. “I’m… actually surprised you agreed to come along, "I admitted, glancing over at him.

He looked up, confused. 

"Why?”

“Well, your brother stayed with you when you were shot with that arrow,” I mumbled, taking a sip of the, albeit rather salty, quite delicious soup.

“He was able to help me, though. The best think I can do right now, for him, is to protect you,” he admitted. “He’d kill me if we woke up to find out I let you go off alone.”

I was quiet for a few moments.

“Why… Why did you really not want Tauriel to come along?” he inquired, looking at me from behind his bowl as he, too, ate.

I shrugged lightly.“The less distractions, the better.”

Kili didn’t replied, but simply continued eating. I knew he was dissatisfied with that answer, but he’d have to just take it. When we 

tried to sleep, I sat there, staring into the fire. I smiled fondly as I remembered the first time we met.

 

“Come on, he’s dying!” exclaimed the small child, gripping my hand with a fierceness I was not aware such a small child could possess.

Upon entering the small house, I was greeted with an intricately engraved sword to my throat. I paused a few moments, quirking an eyebrow to the wielder.

“Although I am familiar with such… interesting hospitality, it’s sort of hard for me to work with blood gushing out of my throat,” I said nonchalantly, even though I was quivering. Damn my smart mouth.

“Stop it! Stop it! She’s a magical lady! She can help!” exclaimed the youngest.

Fili hesitated, unsure, but finally gave in and sheathed his weapon. I nodded my head in thanks, then paused upon seeing Tauriel. She narrowed her eyes at me, but I scoffed. I didn’t have time for this petty war. I turned my attention to the fever ridden dwarf on the table and looked him over. It seemed to me that Tauriel had already worked her magic, or rather the elves’ magic. The youngest girl suddenly shoved a piece of bread towards me, but I simply chuckled and told her that I still didn’t want payment.

“He’ll be fine,” I murmured calmly, patting her head. 

Without much warning, rough hands spun my around and I was met by piercing eyes belonging to the blond. They entranced me and it took me a moment to realize he was actually speaking to me. 

“You’ve an arrow in your shoulder,” he repeated.

I looked back, then let out an awkward laugh. “Fun times… I liked this shirt,” I grumbled. “Would you mind yanking it out? I’d prefer it not break off in my shoulder,” I said, turning back to the prince.

He paused for a few moments, mouth slightly agape in bewilderment. “What…?” 

I heard Tauriel quickly come over and rip it from my shoulder. I grunted, but slowly rolled my shoulders.

“Oh, wow, thanks,” I grumbled. “Because I so wanted to ruin this shirt more.”

“Mm, you’re welcome,” she muttered, offering a sarcastic smile.

Fili’s gaze burned into me, but in truth I was too shy to look at the handsome dwarf. I’d obviously seen dwarves before. Hell, I’d see Fili before, but he was literally just born. I’d been the one to help bring him into this world. That bit of information wasn’t quite necessary. I wondered if he’d recognized me, though he never said anything.

 

My thoughts were broken when Kili started packing up. I groggily got up and started helping.

“Did you not sleep again?” he murmured, eyeing me wearily.

“No, I… I got lost in thought,” I admitted, dousing the fire and blowing smoke out of my face.

“About?” he inquired. 

“When we first met,” I chuckled lightly. “You were so out of it you probably don’t even remember… You told Tauriel that she couldn’t be her because she was swimming in starlight in a completely different world,” I murmured fondly.

“I what?! Why did nobody tell me?!” he exclaimed, cheeks and ears burning.

I laughed and mounted Rosie.

“Ah, you were just so cute though! She got so embarrassed when you asked her if she could have ever loved 

you. Quite endearing, actually.”

“Oh Mahal…” he groaned, mounting his pony. “She never mentioned anything of the sort…” 

"I’m not surprised,” I said, grinning lightly.

“Ugh… Did… did my brother hear me?” 

“No, and I didn’t tell him either,” I reassured him calmly.

He grumbled a thank you and we rode on.

The mountain passing was fairly uneventful. I tried to hurry the process so that we didn’t have to set up camp on the mountain. I knew how they moved about at night and he couldn’t afford to lose our rides. We got out of the mountains as dusk fell and we had to keep going for just a little longer as there was debris from the fighting mountains still flying all around us. Besides, Rivendell was just in sight. As we ventured to the gate, an arrow went through my chest, straight through my heart. I grunted in pain, clutching at the arrow in surprise.

“Hava!” Kili yelled, grabbing his own bow and aiming his arrow at the entrance. 

“Wait!” I grunted, breath heavy as I tried my hardest to stay upon my horse. 

“Hold your fire!” Elrond shouted in elvish, suddenly appearing on the wall. “Lady Hava… I apologize sincerely for the misunderstanding. New guards, I hope you understand.”

“Figured. Man, you teaching these kids to kill everything that moves? Good thing they shot me first and not Kili,” I muttered, suppressing 

groans as I rode up to the gate while it opened.

Kili snarled at the new guards and rode protectively close to me, glancing at the wound every now and again. 

“Thank you, Kili,” I mumbled as I dismounted Rosie, allowing her to be taken by another guard and followed Elrond into the palace.

Elrond sat me down and I slipped off my cloak. Thranduil had “forgotten” to add an undershirt, so I was stuck with just a corset. He gently eased the arrow out after cutting the fletchings off. 

“Heh, good thing I’m cursed,” I teased, offering the lord a small grin. 

“I sincerely apologize,” he repeated with a sigh.

“Bah, they’re just children,” I mumbled with a stiff shrug.

Kili still seemed angered as Elrond gently patched me up.

“Do you have any of your pain medicine, Lady Hava?” Elrond inquired. “This must be painful.”

“Actually, I don’t. I’m, coincidentally, on a mission with Kili here to obtain ingredients necessary for both my Death’s Grasp and my Iron Skin. I’ve run out of both,” I grumbled, shaking my head. “I’ve been careless.” 

Elrond simply nodded. “Did you not mention at one point one of those ingredients is here, in Rivendell?” he asked softly, helping me put my cloak back on.

I nodded stiffly. “Glowing Feverfew is what I need for my Death’s Grasp, but there’s also–”

“Lord Elrond,” said an elven guard urgently entering the room. “I apologize profusely for– oh my. She’s here, isn’t she? My lady, I–” 

“It’s quite all right, Gallion,” Elrond assured the young elf.

“Just uh… think before you act, sweetie,” I teased, offering a wink.

Gallion’s face tinted red. Every elf was deemed attractive; it was simple knowledge. Gallion, however, was utterly cute… in a sort of childish way. He had black hair, which was abnormal for elves, especially in Rivendell, however, his eyes were such a light blue, they were nearly white… That’s when it clicked.

Gallion was blind.

Blind and still able to pierce my heart with an arrow.

I was quiet for a few moments. It would take some while to search for the feverfew as well as the Fluttering Rose.

“Come here a moment, Gallion,” I murmured. 

He furrowed his thin eyebrows, but complied. Although Kili was lost, Elrond seemed to instantly understand my intentions as I tapped my foot ever so slightly. Gallion walked directly over to me, not straying in the least. 

“Would you mind kneeling? You are quite tall and my shoulder doesn’t seem to want to cooperate,” I explained with a light chuckle. 

“May I inquire as to why?” he asked, eyebrows turning up as he still complied, moving his sword so it wasn’t in the way.

“Nope, but just hold still,” I murmured, slipping off his helmet. “Kili, are you prepared to guide me for the next two days?”

“Of course, however I don’t understand why–”

“You’ll see,” I interrupted.

To whom I was speaking to, I was unsure. 

Gallion wasn’t exactly like the other elves. While others may do anything upon being ordered as well as being slightly emotionally set 

back, he questioned everything. I could tell he was most certainly questioning why I ordered him to close his eyes and why I was gently holding my thumbs to them. That was the thing with Rivendell elves, though. Far more diverse than Mirkwood elves.

“Might I ask how you were blinded,” I asked softly, closing my own eyes. I hoped he wasn’t injured in battle, for that pain would be 

refreshed in my own eyes.

“I-It was a birth defect… There was only a small percentage I’d be blinded, but uhm… How do you know?” he asked shakily, clearly worried 

that it was a little too obvious. 

“I’m a doctor, sweetie,” I said with a light chuckle. “In the next few hours, you’ll start to be able to see,” I sighed, dropping my hands.

While to most who saw me perform my ‘miracles’ think I did nothing and people were magically healed, I actually was chanting, “Ego tribuo vos alter chance,” which roughly translates to: I give you a second chance. Part of the curse. Upon being requested, Gallion quietly left, clearly unsure of the recent events, however didn’t intend on questioning them further.

“How long until you lose your sight?” Elrond inquired softly, watching me carefully.

“It’s already started, although it won’t completely leave for another hour or two. This would have gone much faster if I had had my Death’s 

Grasp. Oh well… Kili, we should get a move on on finding that Feverfew,”I mumbled, stiffly standing. 

“My lady. Might I insist you rest for the night? You must be exhausted and it’s nearly midnight,” Elrond said, quirking an eyebrow.

“Ah,right… sleep first,” I murmured.

“I want to sleep in the same room as Hava,” Kili said rather suddenly.

Elrond nodded. “I have a room already prepared for the two of you,” he said with a small smile and lead us to it.

I fell asleep almost the instant my head hit the soft pillow full of feathers. Elrond was right; I was completely fatigued. Along with getting hit with that arrow, that healing took a lot out of me and since I still had nothing to help the process, the pain from the poisoning was messing with my stomach. When I awoke, my vision was completely gone, but I felt far more refreshed. I stretched my arms up and cracked my back.

“Someone had a good night’s rest,” teased Kili, who was apparently already up. 

“Indeed I did, but let’s get started on the search,” I murmured, grabbing my satchel after groping around for it a bit. 

“Good morning, Lady Hava, Prince Kili,” Elrond addressed fondly. “I’ve come to assist you personally in your search.”

Kili held my hand as we walked through the halls. The sunshine felt nice on my skin, though I wish I still had my sight. Rivendell was the most beautiful place in Middle Earth, in my opinion.

“The Glowing Feverfew… Our herbalist has a garden growing of them,” Elrond informed me.

“Good. I’ll only need a couple of heads,” I murmured.

“Have you done this before? Become blind, I mean,” Kili asked.

His hands were gloved, but such a strong heat radiated from them. I knew he was nervous about the whole situation, but I wasn’t.

“Only once before,” I answered calmly. “A young dwarrow by the name Singrutain Merryvoice,” I mumbled. “A princess, one whose delusion of an angelic voice was fed by her parents. My word… As payment, though I 

insisted against it, the dwarrow sang me a song. I believe it was about spring, but oh…. I didn’t have the heart to just leave, so I ended up listening to the whole thing. I mean, hey cool that she had supportive parents, but they’ve made her full on delusional,” I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t know… I haven’t heard from her in years. Maybe she obtained some talent,” I snorted.

Kili chuckled. “Bummer.” 

Elrond nodded. “I know of whom you speak. She has become a little better…” 

When I quirked an eyebrow, he just sighed. By the time we reached the herbalist, he admitted it wasn’t true. 

“Kili, would you reach into my satchel and grab an empty jar? Do be careful… many pointy things,” I teased.

He grumbled something, but complied.

“Elmyra. A pleasure as always,” greeted Elrond.

“Good morning, Lord Elrond!” she greeted in return, voice full of joy and enthusiasm. “I take it this is Lady Hava?”

“Greetings, Lady Elmyra,” I said softly. Healing someone always left me exhausted, but man, even after a good night’s sleep, I was already feeling fatigued again.

“Oh please, just Elmyra,” she chirped. 

“Mm, yes, well, I’m here looking for Glowing Feverfew and word around Middle Earth says that you grow the finest.”

“Oh, no, no,” she flustered shyly. “Though I do grow quite a lot. How many do you need?” she asked happily. 

“Only three or four heads, if it isn’t too much trouble,” I murmured softly.

“No trouble at all, honey!” she giggled excitedly and went off with presumably the jar and Kili, who I could heard insisting he wasn’t 

needed. 

“I know you want to ask me something,” I sighed, gaze lowering to the floor. 

“Why are you doing this, lady Hava? Why not simply let the young prince die and restore him a new? We both know it causes far less pain.”

“You already know, but I’ll tell you anyways: He’s already died once and I was the one to promise it would never happen again,” I mumbled, clutching my satchel. “I… I couldn’t have just sat there while he suffers for so long,” I added, teeth gritting. 

“You care for him.”

“As I do Kili and you.” 

“No and you know that’s not true. He’s engaged and you simply want what’s best for him, however–”

“You do not know what is best for him any more than I do,” I snapped, slowly finding my composure again before I spoke. “I’m sorry…” 

“No need. You care strongly.”

“Here we are, dearies!” Elmyra chirped, gently slipping the jar back into my satchel.

“Where’s Kili?” I inquired. 

“Here,” he mumbled, taking my hand again. 

I relaxed, thanked Elmyra and we went off in search for some Fluttering Roses. 

“Do you know where we might some of of the Roses?” I inquired, looking vaguely in Elrond’s direction.

“I warn my children from using it, but yes, I do.” 

I nodded, but Kili suddenly stopped. I started to inquire as to why, when I felt 

it.

The cold.

It was so cold, the hair all over my body stood up and I shuddered. I knew of only two beings who could create such a deadly cold.

Lossor and Elmeth of the Ice.

I tightened my hold on Kili’s hand, but he suddenly pulled away and when I heard him draw his bow back, I knew it couldn’t possibly be 

Lossor. I heard the great, heavy wing flaps and suddenly everything went silent. My eyes flickered uselessly around as I tried to grasp the situation. Without much warning, hundreds of bows snapped and I heard the metallic clang of the arrows hitting against the dragon’s impenetrable scales. Kili’s footsteps thudded off and I tried to follow, only to have Elrond lightly brush against me, as if trying to grab me, but something else beat him to it, for I felt a searing pain in my arm that came from my wound being stretched.

The dragon grabbed me before Elrond could.

I was tossed up into the air, satchel falling carelessly to the ground before I was caught. This time, the dragon’s claws were wrapped around 

my middle, restricting my arms to my sides painfully. 

“Hava!” Kili shouted, shooting arrow after arrow. 

“Kili,” I squeaked weakly. 

With a mighty roar that made my ears ring and head spin, the dragon took off, wings flapping at a steady pace with not a care in the world. 

My mind flashed instantly to Fili and I let out a chocked sob.


	4. A Strangely Warm Heart

Chapter four: A strangely warm heart

 

It became colder the further north we went. Even with the sun hitting my face, I felt no warmth. I was becoming very disoriented by the cold and I still wasn't sure what the dragon wanted. I was pretty sure, however, that it was indeed Elmeth, but I didn't want to be mistaken and possibly anger him, hastening my death. Well, he couldn't actually kill me, but I didn't intend on spending a few hundred years in this dragon's belly. Abruptly, we entered what I was presuming to be a cave, as the sounds echoed loudly, mercilessly, making it hard to pinpoint where anything was. But I was certain about one thing: There was a cat. 

"What are you doing?" the larger beast growled out, voice gravelly and deep, almost as if his throat had been ripped up and chewed on. The feline mewled quietly, almost innocently, in fact.

"Go on. I'll be there in a moment," he grumbled.

When the soft padding left, I could feel his eyes burning into me.

"you're the human known as Hava the Healer, are you not? You're said to be... quite the miracle," growled the beast.

"I am," I admitted, trying my hardest to find where at least his head might be.

"You were not blind in the tales." He sounded quite disappointed. Dragons did have a tendency to want to be looked at.

"I-I was unaware that there were tales on me to begin with," I said quietly. "A-and I have recently saved a friend from his blindness as a result of a birth defect."

"So it's true... you obtain the problem from the person or being in question."

He didn't sound threatening, really. Simply curious.

"Y-Yes. Although I'm... Although not when it comes to animals, usually."

"Is it also true that you can bring beings back to live?" he asked urgently. "Animals?"

I was silent for a few moments.

"Did this person die of old age?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?" he inquired, as if testing me. I knew that if it really was, it couldn't be. Not in this situation.

"I cannot-- Well, I can, however if I bring someone back who died of old age, then they would be suffering with the same symptoms that killed them," I explained slowly, fidgeting with my cloak. I've received very violent reactions from humans that didn't want to accept when someone died that I could not bring them back without the same pain they had before. I didn't expect the dragon to be different.

"You can heal those too, can't you? The ailments," he demanded impatiently, shuffling around the room, as if pacing, though this chamber seemed a little too small for him to move much.

"Bringing people back takes a lot out of me and sometimes... sometimes my patients dies yet again before I can regain the strength to heals what ever is the problem. B-Besides, I'm out of the potion that helps me through the process," I mumbled. God... arguing with a dragon... Not the smartest option.

"Then what are you doing in Rivendell?"

"I was there to obtain one of the ingredients necessary."

I was terrified. One hundred percent. Even though this definitely wasn't my first kidnapping, and I knew it was best to simply comply with any orders, I was ready to wet myself. It didn't help that I was blinded, really.

He sat there for a few moments, then grumbled something under his breath.

"Will you at least try?" he breathed, desperate.

I blinked a few times, completely shocked that he even asked. I expected the usual "dot his or die". I was silent for only a moment, before offering a soft smile.

"I'm a doctor. How could I possibly give up without even trying?"

"Good... I will carry you into the inner chamber so that you do not fall. I have heard from my companions that it is slippery," he grunted and lightly brushed me with his claw, which I clambered onto. 

He walked rather awkwardly into the inner chamber, the sounds of cats becoming louder and louder by the moment.

"Your companions wouldn't happen to be.. cats... would they?" I inquired.

"Is there a problem with that?" he growled, finally putting me down.

"Of course not," I replied quickly, cheeks flushing. It was still chilly, but not nearly as cold as outside. As we walked, we occasionally passed sudden warm spots and I had the feeling they were fire pits. Soon enough, however, I could feel cats rubbing up against me. The room also smelled strongly of fish.

"Here: Hold my tail and follow me to the companion in question."

I gently reached forward and lightly grasped his scaly tail and willingly followed him. Every once in a while I stumbled over a cat or two. There must have been a hundred at the very least. Soon, we entered another, smaller room. Or at least, I did.

"Her name was Jewel," he mumbled, unable to enter, though apparently placed his head close to the entrance.

I reached around the room, trying to find the body. Wasn't my lowest moment, to be honest. Suddenly, my hands came in contact with fur and a cold only Death could claim as his own.

Jewel was a cat. Upon realizing, I hesitated.

"Is... she the first to die on you?" I asked softly, hands feeling around for any sort of external injury, though I came up empty.

"No. However, she was very special to me," he grunted quietly.

"Has it every crossed your mind the fact that sometimes it's better not to bring someone back?" I inquired softly.

"How dare you," he hissed, cold breath find its way to my neck.

"Please, just listen... She isn't the first to die and obviously she isn't the only one special to you. I bet you have names for all your babies," I murmured. "What if I didn't exist? What if I couldn't do what I can? You would accept the fat that Jewel is dead, no?"

"But you are here!" he roared, shaking me to my core.

"A dear friend once said that courage isn't knowing when to take a life, but when to save one! In this instance, it's not about trying to save someone, but when to accept that they're dead!" I exclaimed, fearful of the dragon's wrath.

Everything went silent for what seemed like hours. Finally, the dragon sighed.

"I... agree," he mumbled, sadness reverberating in his voice.

"I'm... I'm sorry," I breathed.

"Don't be. I'm just an old fool," he grunted, tail suddenly gently brushing against my chest. "Come with me; I'll bring you back to Rivendell."

I hesitantly took his tail, fully aware of this being a trick, however it proved innocent enough.

"I would like to reward you for opening my eyes," he grunted as we walked back to the main inner chamber.

"That really isn't necessary. I don't normally take payment."

"Well, you are now. Normally, I only take full grown cats, however, I accidentally took a pregnant female. She gave birth and only one of the babies out of six have survived so far. I'm requesting you take the last babe and raise her," he explained, leading me to a warm corner where soft mewling came from.

I gently knelt down and was greeted by a kitten stumbling its way over and collapsing in my hand.

"Ah... I... can't promise she'll be safe on this journey," I admitted finally.

"Just... protect her with your life. I will be in your debt."

I nodded solemnly and gently picked up the small ball of fluff and warmth.

"You know, I came up here to rescue this young lady, but it's seems to me there is no need," mused a voice from behind us.

"Like you could rescue anyone," snorted the ice-breather, sending some frost my way.

I turned and face the general direction the voice was coming from.

"Who--?"

"Violet, at your services," greeted a low, seemingly male voice, one that was used to sweet-talking people.

"You finally choose a name and it's your color?" chided the dragon, turning his massive body, presumably towards the new comer.

"Yes, well, I like it. Suits me. Enough about me, this must be the famous Hava the Healer," mused the person. 

Footsteps sounded out, stopping when I noticed they were in front of me, perhaps a foot, maybe two away.

"Indeed, although I was unaware that I was famous."

It was true: I didn't know. I walked for so long and so far, I never stayed in one place for too long, so I never thought I left any impression on the people. 

"The stories do not do your beauty justice," he breathed, reaching up and lightly brushing my cheek with the back of his hand, a sign of affection I've received many a time.

My face burned deeply nevertheless and I quietly looked down.

"Th-thank you," I stuttered. "Sir," I started, turning towards the majestic creature. "I'm under the assumption that you are Elmeth of the Ice."

"You would be correct," he replied.

"I... need to get back to Rivendell. My friends are probably worried," I murmured.

"Did I not say that I would take you back, child? Besides, I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I sent you down that mountain with the babe," he chuckled.

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

Woah, wait a minute. What about me?" inquired Violet.

"And what about you?" snarled the ice drake, kneeling down so that I may clamber onto him to settle between his shoulder blades. I wrapped my cloak between around me and tucked the kitten under my arm protectively, making sure she was warm and comfortable.

"What if I want to go to Rivendell, too?" huffed Violet.

"Get on, you poor excuse for a wizard," he grunted, shaking his massive head.

"A wizard? I've not heard of you," I admitted, moving forward as he climbed up behind me.

"Oh, well, I haven't been here for very long," he chuckled, slipping his arms around my waist as Elmeth started off, towards the outer cave.

He paused for a moment, then turned back slightly.

"I'll be back shortly. Do not go outside; there's a storm," he grunted, assumedly to his cats.

With that, he turned again and took off into the freezing air. The wizard pulled me closer, wrapping his own cloak around me as well, adding another protective layer. I gratefully sank back into his warmth, feeling the kitten's even, steady breath as she slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of how many thousands of feet we were from the ground.

It was mere minutes before we reached Rivendell. Of course, it seemed a lot longer on the way there. I shouted for the guards not to shoot after I heard the sudden thudding of many boots.

Elmeth landed gracefully and Violet and I slid off once he knelt down. I'd only been gone for maybe an hour, two at most, and yet Elrond was already in complete battle armor, ready to go. I paused upon hearing the soft clinking of his armor, and couldn't help a chuckle.

"Lady Hava," he breathed, quickly coming over and hugging me. I happily hugged back. "You are all right?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I murmured quietly. "Just some... vet duties," I said, revealing the sleeping kitten.

"Ah..well.. Kili has already set off for the Shire to obtain Lossor in the hopes of riding him to the mountains."

I grumbled in annoyance.

"I can bring you there as well, if you wish," Elmeth suggested.

I turned towards him, a little shocked, but clearly grateful. I grinned and nodded, finally snapping out of it. 

"Could you carry a horse, too?" I inquired, perking up.

"I carried the wizard, no?" he chuckled.

"Excuse you," he grumbled, but turned his attention towards Elrond. "I am--"

"I'm aware. Gandalf is waiting for you, kin'ai," Elrond said. He seemed impatient for once and it caused me slight alarm. What was Gandalf doing here?

I didn't have time to linger on those thoughts, for Elrond pulled me over to the side, where I figured we were out of ear shot.

"Do not do what you are planning on doing," he warned, voice low and serious.

"Planning-- the only thing I'm planning is saving Fili," I murmured, slightly lost.

"You're planning on leaving the dwarves for Thranduil. Do. Not," he emphasized, gripping my wrist a little too tightly.

"Wha-- I'm aware that he might keep me longer than I'd like, however I'm--"

"An adult, yes, yes, but it seems like adults make the worst mistakes. Please, Lady Have, do not go back to Mirkwood," he all but pleaded.

I was quiet for a while longer. Elrond must have seen something quite... unpleasant for him to be warning me like this. "I don't have a lot of choices," I finally sighed, moving my gaze from him. "Besides, I... I promised Thranduil I would help out for a little while. Everything will be all right, Elrond. Thranduil isn't stupid enough to try anything..."

"It is not that, Hava... Sometimes enemies can become allies, but only under the right circumstances."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confused and was about to ask him to explain, however I heard the clopping of my horse's hooves coming towards us.

"Apologies, Lady Hava, Lord Elrond, thought I thought I might have a word with the Healer?" It was Gallion.

"Of course," I murmured, glancing at Elrond one last time before turning my attention to him.

"I owe you my vision, Lady Hava," he started and continued before I could stop him, "and it would be my honor to accompany you on your journey," he said, voice literally lowering to make me believe he was kneeling in front of me.

I was silent for a small smile. "I... suppose that would be all right. Ask Lord Elmeth if he would be willing to carry two horses and an elf," I murmured calmly. It would help to have someone to guide me as I rode. I could send him back once I could see again.

"Er, my lady... If it's not too inappropriate to suggest, wouldn't it make more sense for me to ride on your horse?" he inquired, voice wavering slightly.

I paused, then suddenly laughed. "How do you intend on getting back here, sweetie?"

He then also paused. "Right..." he murmured, clearly embarrassed. "I will get to it then." With that, he walked off with my horse.

Rosie was accustomed to large creatures, ranging from Beorn to Smaug, so she didn't sound at all frightened of Elmeth. She was, however, getting older and I was under the deep impression that this might be her last adventure. It weight heavily on my heard to think about her death, however Elrond pulled me back.

"Then take Gallion to Mirkwood with you."

I quirked an eyebrow. "What is he going to accomplish?" I snorted.

"Sending me reports," Elrond replied calmly.

I sighed, giving up. "Fine. I'll bring the boy," I agreed. "I won't stay more than a year, I promise," I reassured him. "I don't think I could stand more than a few months of that pompous--"

"We're ready for you, Lady Hava!" Gallion called out.

Elrond couldn't resist a chuckle. "Well, I'll inform Gallion. Be safe," he murmured, hand resting on my shoulder for a few seconds. "Do not give in for even a second."

I was about to question him, but Gallion came back over. I bit my lip as I climbed back onto Elmeth, Gallion sitting behind me. He was a stark contrast to Violet, who was confident and had no problem holding me. Gallion, on the other hand, seemed embarrassed, trying to figure out where to put his hands without seeming offensive. I rolled my eyes playfully before bringing his hands to rest at my waist. I could feel the heat from his face more than the heat from his hands, which I found amusing.

"Heed my words, Lady Hava," Elrond said before Elmeth took off.

"Is everything all right, Lady Hava?" Gallion inquired loudly in my ear, sounding quite concerned.

"Yes, of course," I sighed. I was just exhausted, hungry, thirsty, upset, you know the usual. I just wanted to go back...

 

It wasn't long after we took off that we found Kili riding towards the Shire. Elmeth circled around before suddenly landing, gently placing the horses up right on the ground.

"Hava?!" Kili shouted up at us.

"I'm all right," I called back to him, sliding off, stumbling a bit.

Kili ran over and steadied me.

"You're not hurt?" he inquired, hands on my elbows moving me around to check me over.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I reassured him. "Gallion is coming with us until I... the entire time," I murmured.

"Why?"

"No time to explain." I turned to Elmeth. "Elmeth of the Ice, I give my thanks."

"Mmm, and I give you mind, Hava the Healer. Check back in once in a while. I would like to see the babe," he rumbled, face suddenly coming close to me.

I let the kitten out into the open and allowed her to rub up against him. He seemed to purr, the ground rumbling.

Can someone explain the suddenly good dragon with the kitten?" Kili asked.

"Later," I sighed. "Did you grab my satchel, Kili?"

"Yes, but--"

"I must be going. Good luck, Lady Hava." With that, Elmeth took off, the wings creating high winds, whipping my hair around.

Kili huffed, clearly annoyed, so I turned back to him.

"He wanted me to bring back his favorite cat," I mumbled quietly. "Look, all the time we're wasting here means less time for Fili, so we need to get a move on," I said, starting towards the horses.

"Uh, horses are over here," Kili snorted.

Or where I thought the horses were.

"I knew that," I grumbled, allowing Gallion to lead me towards the horses. I climbed onto Rosie and waited while Gallion tied a lead from his horse to mine.

"If we ride through the night, we'd be there by tea-time tomorrow," Kili murmured.

"Well, don't expect to stop for any. We're behind schedule."


	5. A Merry Go Round of Troubles

Chapter Five: A Merry-Go-Round of Troubles

 

We arrived at Brandywine Bridge only to have Gallion keep me from moving forward. I frowned in confusion and started to question, however Kili mumbled, "The bridge is flooded."

"And...?" I inquired, shifting slightly on my horse.

"To the point where we can't even find it," Gallion sighed softly.

"Wow... Quite the predicament. There is another bridge called Stanford, but we'll have to back track. We won't get there until around on the morning," I mumbled, shaking my head. "And that's if it's not as flooded as this one... they run under the same river."

"Aw, we'll miss tea time," Kili teased.

I shot him an annoyed look, but gave up, figuring he probably didn't even notice it, so we continued on.

Kili knocked on the door to our favorite hobbit's home and we waited. We waited for only a few moments before Kili impatiently knocked again. He grabbed the door knob and started to open the door, however Kili made a noise of surprise, making me think someone opened the door instead.

"Kili?" inquired a sleepy hobbit, a yawn escaping him.

"Hey, Bilbo," Kili greeted happily. "Mind if we come in?"

"Oh, no, no, go right on a head," he murmured, allowing us to enter his house. "What's going on? Is everyone all right? Thorin?" he asked, suddenly seeming a lot more away.

I tiredly put my satchel on his kitchen table once I finally found it. "No, Thorin is fine. However, Fili is not," I sighed.

"What happened?" he inquired quickly. "Would you like some tea?" he asked suddenly, seeming to have forgotten his hobbit manners.

"No, Bilbo. Could we, instead, rest for the rest of the night? Then we can explain everything in the morning," I murmured.

"Yes, yes, of course. Ah, apologies, I do not have any--"

"The floor is fine," I reassured him tiredly.

Gallion helped Kili spread out the bedding and led me over to my out spread. I flopped down onto my bedding, falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

 

"Death would be a present for you, would it not?"

"You like the pain."

"Is this turning you on?"

 

I sat up, breath heavy, sweet drenching my clothes. Images flashed through my head and I felt nauseous. 

"Lady Hava? Are you all right?" Gallion inquired, quickly coming over to me and putting a hand to my shoulder, trying to steady me.

"Y-Yes," I murmured. "Bilbo, would you mind if I change in one of your rooms?" I inquired, allowing Gallion to help me stand.

"Yes, yes, of course, go right on a head," he allowed.

Gallion lead me to the bathroom and started to walk away, however I stopped him.

"Gallion, I'm going to need for you to help me make sure my clothes are on the right way," I murmured.

I knew that Gallion would be uncomfortable, however honestly, it's not like he'd never seen a woman naked. Right?

"M-My lady.... isn't that... inappropriate?" he stuttered. 

"Gallion, please," I snorted. "Just hand me the clothes the right way and check me over when I' done," I explained. "I'll turn around and everything to save your honor," I teased, playfully prodding him.

The elf guard hesitated, but finally agreed. I calmly turned around and started undressing. Upon taking my corset, Gallion noticeably shifted.

"Is... is it... not my place to inquire about your back, my lady?" he asked softly, tentatively.

"It... it certainly is not your place," I mumbled. "Hand me my under shirt?" I requested, holding my hand out.

Upon receiving it, I slipped it on and inquired as to how it sat. He reassured me that it was fine, however he clearly wanted to know further about the many scars lining my back. I didn't particularly want to explain them to anyone. The thought of explaining them to Fili plagued my mind in an instant and I repressed a shudder. But when would he possibly ever see them? Never. Never...

Once we exited the bathroom, I asked where Lossor was. 

"I sent him out to gather the Ambrosia you need," Bilbo said calmly, coming over and placing a plate in my hand with what smelled like bread with jelly.

I smiled lightly and nodded, eating my bread. I was surprised that Lossor hadn't woken me earlier, but I let it be.

Not long after I finished my breakfast, someone came inside. 

"Man, there are some angry bugs out there. Good thing I had this little girl to protect me," Lossor chuckled.

A soft meow told me that he had brought the kitten along. I quietly stood, smiling softly.

"I put a whole bunch of the plant thingie in a jar," Lossor informed us, walking right passed me and over to Kili.

I paused for a moment. Why...? He practically clung to me when I told him he had to go back to the Shire with Bilbo until everything could be planned out. Why wasn't he even noticing me now? I shook it off, thinking it must just be my imagination. 

"When are you guys heading out?" he asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. Why is he trying to rush us out? Kili told him soon and I bit my lip.

"Hey, Lossor, I was thinking you could make your famous rabbit strew for us on the road," I suggested, offering a small smile.

"So I was thinking of going up to see Elmeth for a bit. You really shouldn't have worried about Hava being taken. He's... pretty gentle," Lossor murmured.

I swallowed hard. "Lossor, you never told me--"

"Yeah, I used to live with him before I got kidnapped by this loser," he snorted. 

"Lossor. Stop..." Bilbo warned.

"Why? Let's be honest. Let's talk about this fucking elephant in the room. This pathetic excuse for a human ruined my life by dragging me around on that stupid quest to find some absolutely fake promise land and why? Because she cant handle the thought of some people not liking her. She really can't handle everything on her own. The only thing she's good at is healing and A) she's mediocre at that and B) she can only heal people because she let her brother die! Wow! Congrats! You're a horrible person because you didn't agree with politics! Guess what? You're a doctor! You're supposed to help everyone! You're pathetic on your own, too! You think you have friends, but you don't! You have no one! So why don't you just go jump off some huge mountain!" he shouted, facing me now. 

I took a few steps back, breath shallow.

"Lossor," Kili growled.

"And another thing: Fili will never love you! Who could when all you do is leave people behind?!"

My chest felt tight and my breathing refuse to become stable. My eyes burned. No. Not Lossor. I couldn't lose Lossor.

"Why... Why are you doing this?" I murmured.

"Wow! You really are a lot dumber than you look! he exclaimed. "If you really can't figure it out, why should I tell you?!"

"Enough!" Kili shouted.

"Lossor, this really isn't--" Bilbo started, but I didn't stay long enough to finish.

I ran out the door, finding it only because Lossor had left it open. A choked sob escaped my throat and I stumbled over several hills before collapsing. Lossor... I can't... I can't lose lossor... My head spun and without much warning, vomit escaped my mouth.

"Lady Hava?" Gallion tentatively spoke, coming closer much more quickly when he saw the vomit. "If it makes you feel any better, Kili punched the rude person in the face," he murmured, pulling my hair out of my face. He gently braided my hair again.

"It doesn't," I mumbled. "I can't... I lost... I can't believe I lost him..."

"Who... was he to you?" he murmured quietly.

"He's been my friend for almost two hundred years... my only friend. And I lost him all because I left him here with Bilbo, I abandoned him to stay with the dwarves. He's right: Fili could never love someone as cold as me," I moaned, curling up in a tight ball.

"How could you ever call your self cold? If anyone were to ever insinuate that, they're unintelligent," he murmured, lightly stroking my hair. "You've taken your curse and helped hundreds of people, including me. What you have is a blessing..."

"But I left him--"

"To help your friends... do not listen to someone who was selfish enough to become mad at you for such a reason," the elf murmured, sitting me up and pulling me into a tight hug.

I curled up to him closely. Perhaps he was right. I took a few deep breaths before wiping my eyes with the back of my hands.

"I feel childish," I admitted.

He chuckled. "Don't... how long are you blinded for?"

"It should clear up tomorrow," I mumbled.

"Good. Now come along. We can't have your man dying on us now, can we?" he teased, helping me to stand.

"Ah, someone finally developed a sense of humor," I mumbled.

The air in the room was thick when we went back to the hobbithole and I kept my head lowered. 

"I... Where's Lossor...?" I asked quietly.

"He... went off with the kitten," Kili grunted.

"I simply nodded. "We need to leave soon," I said after a few moments. 

"Do you want me to join you? I don't have a lot more to do."

"No. I need you to go back to Erebor and give Thorin an update. Tell him that it shouldn't be more than two weeks before we're back home," I said. "Although, it's still good to be cautious," I added quickly. "There is... is still a bright light on the horizons."

Hours later, we arrived at the Tharbad bridge. Of course, that was flooded as well. I groaned upon hearing the rushing river and the snapping and groaning of the bridge at the intense weight and pressure from the water.

"We can't possibly get the horses across," Kili grumbled, shaking his head.

Can we get across?" I inquired, quirking an eyebrow.

"There is a tree close enough across the river. I could shoot it with an arrow that has rope attached to it and swing across," Gallion murmured, slipping off his horse. I gently took the reins of his horse as well as my own.

A thud later and Gallion called us over. Kili led me and the other horses to him and helped me off.

"What are we going to do with the horses?" Kili inquired.

"If we tie them to Rosie, she'll leave them back to the Shire and stay at Bilbo's," I said confidently, lightly stroking her side.

"You think she'll actually go back to the Shire?" Kili snorted.

"Mhmm," I replied, lightly kissing her cheek. "Won't you, my girl?"

She neighed softly and nuzzled up against me, almost knocking me over. I smiled and took my bedroll from her back.

"Be safe and stay there until someone comes to get you," I said calmly. "Same word as last time."

She almost seemed to nod her head and I heard to go off with the other two.

"Have you two been together long?" Gallion inquired, tentatively slipping an arm around my waist. When I didn't object, his grip became harder, more secure.

"Fifteen years," I sighed. "Found her as a foal. Someone had abandoned her and so I took her," I said calmly.

"Good to have someone so close," he murmured. "Ready?"

"How am I getting across?" Kili suddenly inquired.

"You'll see," Gallion said calmly. "Hold on tightly and run with me. Jump when I say jump and tuck in your legs," he murmured in my ear.

I simply nodded and did as I was told. It was exhilarating to be in the air, even for such a short time. When we landed, I let go of the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in and offered Gallion a grin. He chuckled lightly and went back for Kili. Kili was no nearly as thrilled as I was, however, I paused.

Sudden realization dawned on me.

We had no horses.

And we still had many hundreds of miles to go.

I groaned inwardly, but we set off again when Kili found his footing.


	6. Emotions are Not My Forte

Chapter Six: Emotions are Not My Forte 

 

Several days later and I stumbled along, my entire abdomen on fire. My pain medicine was still incomplete so I was suffering for it. Thankfully, Elrond was smart enough to obtain the ingredient and put it in my satchel so we wouldn't have to go all the way back to Rivendell. Gallion was a sweet heart and always picked me back up whenever I fell, for the pain often disoriented me. Unfortunately, we couldn't afford to waste time preparing the medicine. I didn't know how long until Fili was gone. I certainly lost track of time and that wasn't helping the pure anxiety constricting my chest. How much longer did Fili have? How much longer until we were home?

Kili and I didn't argue nearly as much as we had been before Gallion had joined us. Truth be told, we hadn't really been talking all too much in general. I knew he was angry at me, but what could I do? What could I say? Lie to him? I was in no mood to start something, nor did I have the strength to.

I do believe I was injured double fold that of Gallion and Kili combined. I was clumsy enough to begin with. Add in excruciating pain and I was practically rolling in knives or that's what I looked like I been doing by the time we arrived at the Ash Mountains, where the Inferno Parsley grew. We were all exhausted, having had been walking day and night to arrive here. Neither Gallion nor Kili deserved this.

"Hava, we must stop for at least a short while," Gallion murmured. Even he, an elf, was worn to the bone. I wouldn't be surprised if he were dehydrated, too, as there were no water source of any kind near Ash Mountain.

"We... we can't," I mumbled. "Fili... I can't..." Like I said, disoriented.

"Hava--"

"Don't you start, too, Kili!" I exclaimed weakly, incredulously.

"No, look!" Kili snapped, too tired for my incompetence and impatience, pointing to the sky.

"What? They're some birds! So what!" I grumbled, shoving that jar back into my satchel upon messily gathering the parsley.

"Not just any birds..." he murmured, gazing in wonder at them.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed that they were special. Giant Eagles. I almost cried with relief at the sight of the majestic creatures. Gandalf must've sent them, for they were coming in the direction of Erebor. I let out a choked sob and Gallion helped me to my feet yet again. Upon landing, Bilbo popped his head out from behind the eagle's head.

"Bilbo!" I exclaimed, forgetting for only a moment my pains.

"No time! We've already received the Volcanic Buttons from the Iron KIlls, but Fili... you need to come quickly," he rushed, pulling me up onto his eagle.

Gallion helped Kili up onto the other and we flew back to Erebor. All the while, I had my head resting on Bilbo's back. The dwarves' scent was covering his own and I knew he'd been with Thorin nonstop since his return. I closed my eyes, unable to keep them open, though I could not sleep. Not until I saved Fili. My head was filled with only thoughts of Fili. His smile. His grin. His laughter. His joyous face filled with the life that he oh so deserved. Far more than I deserved my own.

 

"Seizures?" I inquired, completely bewildered as we rushed towards Fili's chambers, Gallion's arm under mine, supporting me as we went. I hadn't noticed early, but apparently I'd sprained my ankle.

Bilbo nodded, unable to keep up with my limping, yet hastened pace. "Been continuous since a few days ago. Thorin became his impatient self and demanded we go find you guys. Good thing we did, too. You three look on the verge of death yourselves!"

"That is not at all a symptom of this sickness," I growled, ignoring that last comment. Fury energized my pace at the thought of someone else hurting the prince on top of this accident. "Someone has poisoned him."

"W-What?" Bilbo breathed, eyes wide. "But who--?"

"I don't know," I interrupted curtly. "I just need to help him," I murmured.

Upon entering his room, I cleared everything off of his desk. It took me less than an hour to whip up my Death's Grasp. I still didn't have my pain medicine, but I didn't have time. The thought of the excruciating pain of both his and mine being mixed together didn't seem like the most fun ride, but that clearly didn't cause me to hesitated for a second as I slathered his sweaty hand where he was bitten. Death's Grasp is sort of green, like a sick person's face and it was gummy and chunky, like oatmeal. Fili looked so pale, braids coming undone from the thrashing about. He was covered in sweat and I just wanted to cry seeing him so weak. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he had always tried so hard to hide any sort of failure or weakness from me.

Moments later, pain shot through me like a bullet, ricocheting around my nervous system. I felt like I had fallen into a pit of a thousand needles head first, face down and I cried out in pain, unable to hold it in. I collapsed onto the floor, the searing, hot white pain running through my body in waves.

"Hava?!" Kili exclaimed, running over. The thudding of his boots was so loud, making the pain much worse. He knelt down and tried to see what was wrong, but how could he possibly tell?

I rolled onto my back, but went right back over onto my side. Someone had pushed me there. Something was so wrong. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. Muffled shouting. Light-headed. Can't breath. I couldn't breath. No air. No...

 

"-- doesn't explain why--!"

"Don't yell, she's still asleep," chided someone, most likely Balin.

"Not anymore," Kili murmured.

My eyes reluctantly opened, albeit only half way. I let out a small moan to see if my still worked, just in case. My head was still throbbing and I felt so groggy, but I felt someone take my hand and hold it tight and I somehow felt safe.

"My pain was not nearly as serious as that," Fili said worriedly. He was the one who had my hand.

I cracked a small grin. "H-Hey... isn't your fiancée going... to get jealous with all this touching...?" I mumbled playfully, the vibrations hurting my head further.

"She can deal," Fili growled, the roughness in his voice surprising me. "I haven't even met her yet..."

"And... I was h-holding onto half of your pain this entire time. The... the full force was..."

"You shouldn't speak too much," Balin murmured quietly.

"When's... the wedding, anyways..." I inquired, my eyes adjusting so I could open them a little more. Fili's braids were still mess and I had the strangest urge to fix the. However, I knew how intimate that was for the dwarves so I said nothing.

"It's been postponed until you are better," he sighed.

"Mm, well, no need to anymore. I'm all better," I said, offering a small grin as I tried to sit up. Admittedly, I still felt like puking, but I couldn't tell if that was from the anxiety and horrible guilt I felt from holding Fili's hand and postponing his wedding or from the sickness. "Besides, I need to go to Mirkwood again to steal Thranduil's crown," I murmured. I needed to get out of there; the room was suffocating.

"You should lie down," Balin murmured.

"I'm fine," I reassured him quietly, taking off my blanket. "If you're all better, Fili, I'll be going. Do tell me when the wedding is, yeah?"

"Going?" Fili inquired, starting to the other side of the bed, where I was trying to make my get away.

"To Mirkwood, I quite literally just said," I chuckled.

"You can't go..." Fili murmured, seeming completely bewildered and distressed by the thought.

"Fili, you're perfectly healthy now. My little episode can attest to that. There's nothing more for me to go here," I declared simply.

No one said any thing more, so I gathered up my necessary items, shoved them all into my satchel and walked out. 

"Hava, wait!" Kili called out, running after me.

I groaned and turned around to look at him. "What?"

"What are you doing?" he growled.

"You knew that I was planning on going back to Mirkwood since we left there," I spat. "How dare you feign ignorance?" 

"I thought you were just upset about the engagement!" he shouted, arms spread out.

"I am!" I retorted, eyes burning. "I am upset about the engagement. I am upset because... because I love him..." I mumbled, gaze averting to the side. "And I want him to be happy..."

"Then tell him," Kili murmured softly, offering me an encouraging smile.

"You know I can't," I whimpered. My chest felt tight and I still couldn't breath as well as I would have liked. "Just... let me know when the wedding is. I still want to support him," I mumbled, turning swiftly and leaving.

I said very little to anyone else as I went to the horse-stables. I received the usual 'thank-you's and 'we owe you's from several people, even from Dwalin. I only offered a small, fake smile to whoever spoke to me and continued on my way. I wasn't surprised to find Rosie, but I paused suddenly, lightly petting her nose. She didn't deserve such a hard life any more.

"They'll feed you well, I murmured softly, feeling a block in my throat forming.

I put my forehead to hers and we sat there for a few more minutes before I suddenly turned to see Gallion. He frowned gently.

"I am under the impression you are ready to leave," he said softly.

"Yes, I am..." I murmured, composing myself quickly. "May we both use your horse?"

"Of course, my lady... Is it not in my place to question why you are leaving so soon? You were asleep for three days..." he informed me, saddling his horse.

"It... it is not in your place," I responded quietly.

"Where to, my lady?" he inquired, watching me climb onto the horse behind him.

"Mirkwood Palace. They'll be expecting me," I mumbled, pulling my hood up over my head. I was unaware that Gallion knew I cried on the way there.

Six hours later and I was waving goodbye to a reluctant Gallion as he rode off back to Rivendell. I knew Elrond had wanted him to stay, but I didn't really see the point. I was sure he had friends and family to go back to. I turned and started at the sudden sight of Thranduil only a foot away.

"King... King Thranduil," I murmured, heart thumping.

"Lady Hava," he purred, looking me over. "I was eagerly awaiting the day you returned to me. Were you crying?" he inquired, bringing his hand up to my face, gently.

"No, no... Just... tired..." I mumbled. "All right, where are your wounded?" I questioned, starting to walk passed him towards the entrance.

All of the guards were utterly surprised and probably offended, however, I stopped caring and taking in threats from Kings who didn't know me. Especially Thranduil. He really only threatened me once. I think my defying him may have started something that I really didn't intend on finishing. Not at that time, anyways. Kili couldn't try to make Fili and I marry if both of us already were.

"We have none at the moment. Why don't you settle into your room?" Thranduil suggested, walking along side me now, long strides having no problem keeping up with my limping ones. I had forgotten that my ankle had been sprained, but I paid it no mind until later.

"That wouldn't happen to be your room would it," I teased, smirking up at him.

"It could be if you wanted it to be," he said, smirking right back at me.

I simply gave a shrug. "I did enjoy your bed the last time I paid a visit."

"Then it's settled. You'll use my chambers," he declared.

I paused. He... okay... Well, things were going a lot better than I had anticipated. Then again, this was Thranduil. Admittedly, he came to conclusions faster than most and while he sometimes came to the wrong conclusion, more often than not, they were correct. This relationship was something he'd made up his mind about two hundred years ago.

"I will allow you to become settled, then I will retrieve you for dinner," he said once we made it to his chambers.

I nodded and it was only three minutes after I was left alone that I started to weep. I collapsed next to the bed that now seemed void of warmth and wept. I was never good at dealing with my emotions.


	7. A Normal Life

Chapter Seven: A Normal Life

 

"Is everything all right?" Thranduil inquired carefully, looking at me from across the surprisingly short table.

Thranduil was dressed finely, as usual, in emerald green robes, lined with silvery moonlight. His blond hair seemed to contains strands of starlight plucked from the very night sky. His icy blue eyes bore into my shamefully dull, green ones that resembled the color of the underside of a leaf and I couldn't help but avert my gaze from the intensity. 

"Of course," I answered him calmly, offering the smallest of smiles. I was aware that my eyes were a tad red and puffy, however I had already told him that I was simply tired from the trip, it was a long one, after all.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest?" he inquired softly, cocking his head every so slightly to the side. "Your little Rivendell friend told me that you were unconscious for three days."

"No, no, I'm all right, I promise," I chuckled, shaking my head. "So, I never expected you to have such an informal table with such luxurious tableware. This is silk no?" I asked, admiring the forest green tablecloth. I was under the deep impression that Thranduil knew green was my favorite color. I was really not used to the whole fancy eating. 

"It is," he answered, perking up at the change in subject. I wasn't sure he knew how to actually seem like he cared, though he had me fooled for a good minute or two. "I'm very aware that you are fond of greens," he said, grinning lightly. "And I wanted something that matched your eyes, however they are such a unique green, so curious," he murmured, leaning in a little bit to look at my eyes.

I nodded calmly. "Oh my, and I don't even know yours," I teased lightly. 

Mahal... I have eaten dinner with a lot of people, men and women alike, and I don't recall it ever being this painful as this. All he did was flirt. And don't get me wrong, he was very good with his words and if used correctly, he could make anyone quiver with want. However, he was trying too hard at that very moment and it was hard not to be queasy. He was agreeing with everything I said and it was somewhat irritating. He almost never laughed and his favorite subject was himself or his palace or his son or his clothes, which at this point was fine with me. So long as I kept on my 'I care about everything you're saying' mask, he wouldn't question my motives to intensely.

"It's blue," he said suddenly. "Just about any shade or hue, really."

I blinked a few times before I remembered I had said I didn't know his color. "Like the sky," I said calmly. "No matter what time of day it is, it's always blue."

"Mm, thank you for putting my feelings into such poetic words," he chuckled, cracking a smile that actually seemed genuine. I paused. Was I having second thoughts? Of course I was. I couldn't even tell if Thranduil really loved me or if he was simply attempting to fill the hole his late wife left. I felt like such an ass...

"Not a problem," I assured him, lightly poking at my salad. Don't get me wrong, I didn't eat a lot of meat anyways.

"Are you not hungry? Oh I hope those horrible little boys didn't ruin your love of vegetation. You could name everything exactly as it was and where it grows," he sighed, shaking his head.

"Actually, I'm really not that hungry and no, they didn't ruin my love of salads," I snorted.

"Then I'll escort you back to our chambers," he said, starting to stand.

"No, no, you eat your dinner. I'm going to go look for some Fluttering Roses. I lost my container at Rivendell," I grumbled, standing as he slowly sat.

"Why don't you save that for tomorrow? I would be more than happy to accompany you. In fact, I insist you hold off until dinner is over; I have an excellent area to show you," he said, face lighting up.

"Well, all right then." This really wasn't helping. "I'm still going to the chambers. I am quite tired and would like a quick nap before we go," I said softly.

"Then by all means," he said, extending a hand of permission.

I nodded and went off after a small bow. Apparently, I fell asleep and stayed asleep, for I woke up some time before dawn to Thranduil on the other side of the large bed, lying peacefully on his back. I blinked my eyes tiredly, but inevitably fell back asleep. I awoke again to sunlight streaming from above and through the windows. I stretched and rolled onto my back. The sunlight warmed the room softly and I couldn't help but suddenly yearn for Fili's warmth. He was so warm. He gave off so much heat. The thought made my chest tight and I had to hold back more tears. I would miss him, I really would. I finally looked over to see Thranduil was no longer in bed. I looked back up at the never ending walls and sighed softly.

"Ah, you're awake," purred Thranduil as he came into the room.

"Yes, sorry for sleeping so long. I'm not sure what got over me," I murmured, sitting up now. Even then, I was still tired. All of my muscles felt sore and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.

"All you do is travel, my dear," he said, sitting on my side of the bed. "You deserve all the rest you can get," he murmured, leaning in towards me now. "In the warmest, softest, most inviting bed anyone can find."

I simply nodded. I couldn't lie in bed all day, so I stood up and stretched. "I should start on my rounds," I murmured, slipping on my corset and boots. "Would you... mind lacing me?" I inquired, turning my back to him.

He grinned lightly and complied. "Does my lady wish to have breakfast?" he inquired as he delicately laced up my corset, lightly brushing his hands against my back every chance he had. 

"I'm... I'm still not that hungry," I admitted, giving him a small shrug and a pathetic half smile.

"Then perhaps you should rest," Thranduil suggested, standing and following me out of the room after I grabbed my satchel.

"Well, I'll do my rounds, you can take me to that place you told me about and then I'll rest again," I said with another, smaller smile, adjusting my satchel accordingly.

"Mm... I'd much rather you simply rest, Lady Hava," he insisted, lightly grabbing my wrist, making me stop.

"Thranduil..." I sighed, turning to look at the tall king. "Honestly? You're mother-henning and while it is a better look for you, I don't really need it. I'm grown, I assure you," I chuckled softly.

He debated for a moment, however finally let me go and nodded. Several guards later and I just sighed in aggravation. I wasn't really obtaining any leads with these guys, They were nothing like their kin in Rivendell. Mirkwood elves were closed off and although their feelings towards humans are usually that of disregard, they certainly regarded me and with such an annoying intensity, too. The guards especially seemed to know something that I didn't and it irked me. I've been here many a time before, but never have the guards watched me so closely and normally I try not to disrespect Thranduil too much in front of anyone else, but wow these guys were acting like I sucker-punched him in the groin. I decided to question Thranduil on the strange behavior later, but for now I simply had to accept the fact that these people were closed off and weren't about to even talk to me, nor around me, besides the whispers. Oh the whispers were awful... every time I passed... Maybe they were insulted that I insinuated they were clumsy enough to become hurt in the first place, let alone need such extensive healing. Whatever the reason for their rather rude behavior, I met up with Thranduil shortly to convey my concerns.

"Hm... I've ordered them to give you full cooperation. I will speak with them later. Are you, by any chance, hungry yet?" he inquired softly, watching my reaction closely.

"No, not really," I mumbled. I was still rather tired, too. "I think I would like to take a short nap, however, if you would allow."

"Of course, of course, my dear Lady," he said quickly, concern creasing his otherwise porcelain face. "Would you like me wake you for dinner?" he asked gently, offering me an encouraging smile.

Stop... stop being so nice... I hated myself as is...

"That would be... nice," I answered stiffly, eyes lowering to the wooden floor to avoid his gaze.

Thranduil escorted me back to our chambers and dipped his head slightly towards me before going off again, leaving me with one last glance full of worry from over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner. I was quite shocked that he bowed, even if it was such a small thing, however my mind was too foggy to dwell too much on it. I turned and, upon lying down, fell asleep quite quickly, even with all my thoughts jumbled coursing through my mind.

I was awoken by soft humming and opened my eyes to see Thranduil calmly brushing his hair. I was vaguely surprised to not be able to find a mirror in the room what so ever. Why hadn't I noticed this before? I shook it from my still foggy mind and stiffly sat up, rubbing my eyes, hoping to chase off my blurry vision.

"A Raindrop on a Leaf," I mumbled, finally recognizing the song the king was humming.

"Indeed. The first song you sang for us," he purred fondly, glancing over his shoulder at me.

"I'm shocked you even recall such an old memory," I admitted with a soft chuckle as I stretched and stood.

"Then you must not realize how much I cherish every inch of any memory you give me," he said much more calmly than I expected as he, too, stood, setting his brush down.

I shifted slightly, attempting to swallow what he just said, but offered a small smile. Hmph. More of a grimace, really. 

"My lady. You must be starving about now," Thranduil said softly after a while, finger lightly touching his cheek.

Now even I was becoming concerned and I knew I shoulder at least try to eat, however I felt as though I might vomit shoulder I attempt to put anything in my belly. I slowly shook my head, biting my lip.

"Are you sure? There is a fine selection just for you tonight," he murmured gently, walking over to place a slender, gentle and cool had on my forehead. "You are not warm, not even in the slightest. Nor do you shake..."

"I'm not sick," I said, letting out a somewhat forced chuckle. "I'm... I'm not sure what's wrong, but whatever it might be, I'm sure it will pass," I reassured him and partly myself.

"Then would you mind accompanying me on a walk? A short one, I promise," he said with that stupid charming smile of his.

I hesitated, gauging pathetically if my body was okay with such a small amount of exertion, but finally I nodded and followed him. I grabbed my satchel before we left and kept my gaze lowered, thinking longingly about Fili. This was an insane, selfish idea, but I wasn't sure of what else I could do. I couldn't allow Kili to destroy Fili's chance at happiness over some stupid crush. Kili didn't even know if Fili shared my feelings. 

"I had... heard that you had... feelings for Oakenshield's nephew. Fili, was it?" He said his name with such malice it took all I had not to flinch.

"Ah..." The question caught me off guard. "Those were merely rumors," I mumbled with a stiff shrug. "I do believe my taste is a little more... refined... to settle for a dwarf, even a prince. I left Erebor, did I not?"

"And that was a very wise choice," he said calmly, chin held high. His face practically glowed and the sick feeling returned to my belly.

We started to go into an area of the palace that I had not been before. It was becoming darker and darker and I was admittedly becoming worried. I glanced around, unsure of where we were heading. Without much warning, Thranduil slipped out into somewhere well lit and, although I hesitated for a tad longer than I'm sure Thranduil would have liked, I eventually followed him. I let slip a soft gasp at the sight of hundred and thousands of Fluttering Roses. There were all ages: Babies were uprooted and quite literally flew around the lightning-bug-lit area; young adults were flying with one another in pairs; adults were rooted, also in pairs. I looked about in awe and a childish giggle escaped my lips when a baby sat on my head. I wasn't aware that Thranduil had moved to stand so gracefully near the fountain until I looked around for him. In all actuality, I had been looking for Fili because I had forgotten who I was with. An ice cold hand grasped my stomach and I only allowed my smile to waver for not even an instant. Thranduil lightly beckoned me over. I allowed him to set me down on the pure white stone that made up the fountain.

"Hava..." Thranduil started. He seemed shy, actually. I knew what was going on, however I pretended to be surprised. None of this felt right. None of this felt okay. None of this felt moral and yet here I was. Here I was, leading a king on like it was nothing; like I did this all the time. The sudden thought of Thranduil perishing before I stabbed my brain and I started crying. He, chocking it up to nerves, lightly wiped them away. "I was so sure the first day that I met you, you were meant to be my queen," he breathed, finally going down on one knee and took my hand. "I do not believe I could live without you, Melamin," he moaned softly. "Will you be melda tári, Hava?" he asked softly, letting go of my hand and pulling out a necklace that seemed to be made of pure starlight.

I forced myself to blush, but the tears running down my cheeks were so real, they hurt. "Oh, Thranduil," I gasped, holding my hands to my mouth. "I would want... nothing more."

I allowed him to gently lay the necklace on and let him adjust the jewels as they lay perfectly. Thranduil beamed and stood.

"Come, we must set a date for our wedding," he said eagerly.

"Tomorrow night, under the light of the full moon," I said softly, offering another faux smile.

"Oh my, leading right to the point, are we?" he grinned, cheeks dimpling perfectly. "Tomorrow night it is," he agreed with vigor.


	8. How Blind Could I Be?

Chapter Eight: How Blind Could I be?

 

Fili's POV:

 

She scampered out of the room and although I was used to abrupt exits from Hava, she just so happened to have my heart in her hands. It took a few moments for it to settle into my brain, though my body just couldn't take it any more. My knees gave out and I slowly sat on the bed. She was gone? She was coming back, right? I wish I could make sense of it, but the only conclusion I could come to was that she was really gone. Why? Why did she go? Where did she go? I watched my brother, my partner, Kili run out of the room after her, though my brain didn't comprehend it for a while. Balin watched me for a few moments before going after him. I heard Kili exclaim some swear in our mother language in frustration and that was the only thing that drew me out of her chambers; chambers I never even thought I'd be graced with the chance to enter. I watched Kili stomp pass me, Balin calling out to him to slow down.

She was going to come back, right?

She always came back. Always.

I slowly went to my own chambers and quietly started to strip my bed of the dirtied, sweaty sheets. I had been told to do so by Balin days ago, but I found that I had difficulty leaving Hava's side. I felt responsible for her pain, for her troubles and I wanted to do everything I could to alleviate said pain and troubles. Of course, deep down, I knew there was nothing I could actually do to help. I felt utterly useless.

I threw the diseased sheets and blankets into the fire place that occupied a large amount of my room. I watched the fabric burn up and suddenly slumped to the floor. Something deep down told me that she wasn't actually coming back.

"Lad?"

I slowly looked up to see Balin standing in the door way. I gave a vague, mumbled greeting before returning my attention to the fire. I was never good at metaphors, but...

"You're... intended is here," he murmured, slowly. Singrutain?"

I paused, confused. My...? Oh, right. I grimaced at the thought of having to have to meet her right at the moment. I knew I was supposed to act excited, however it simply wasn't happening. I finally stood with a nod. 

"Lad," he started. Balin could certainly see the very obvious dismay in my eyes. "You need to forget Lady Hava right now," he said sternly. "She abandoned us."

I simply sighed, but nodded again. "I... yeah..."

"No, you need to really understand this. This marriage is very important to this clan, lad. It will reunite our clans and make things a whole hell of a lot easier. Here... I didn't want to have to be the one to tell ya, but... it be rumored that Lady Hava is going to marry Thranduil."

A tingle. A shock went down my spin and I shuddered with disgust. "That cannot be, friend. She... she detests him more than my uncle does!"

"Well, take it and do what you will. Now, your future queen is waiting for you," he murmured.

It took me a moment to gain even an ounce of composure before I went to the great dining hall. I entered to Thorin and some other dwarf trying to calm the obviously displeased woman. I hesitated, but slowly announced my presence by clearing my throat. The dwarrow whipped around, face lighting up for a split second before falling again. That also lasted a mere moment before she put on the same happy façade as I was forced to do.

"My dear. The rumors of your beauty do you no justice," I said, strutting over and ever so gently taking her hand to kiss. Admittedly, she was nice on the eyes, however she would never be able to stand near to Hava in comparison. The dwarrow's hair was a bleak brown with eyes that sung a tale of snotty attitudes. None of her hair was braided and it was as straight as paper. 

"Oh," she giggled, "And how is that?"

"Your amber hair resembles that of a fawn babe, soft, silky and shiny. Your eyes are brighter than any emerald found by any dwarf," I spewed.

Her cheeks tinted pink and she giggled once more. It was a high pitched giggle that made it very hard not to cringe. I knew my uncle's eyes were boring into me, and I didn't mean to, well, hate her so much. I was just still so focused on Hava's absence that it seemed impossible to enjoy or even remotely find pleasure in anything or anyone at the time.

"I wasn't informed that you were such a smooth talker," she giggled, putting a hand to her cheek in embarrassment. "Not that you were so handsome."

I forced a chuckle. "And no one told me that you were so cute."

"Fili. I suggested we start planning this wedding," my uncle interrupted. "Lady Singrutain? Why don't you decide on what colors you would like the theme to be," he suggested. "While I steal me nephew for a moment."

She nodded and turned to her chaperone to discuss such a menial thing while Thorin grabbed my wrist and pulled me away.

"What did I do wrong?" I growled lowly. I couldn't have possibly done something wrong!

"Your mind is clouded," he snapped. "Is it Hava that lingers?"

I shifted my gaze away from my uncle, jaw tight. What right did he have...?

"Answer me, boy."

"Yes it is," I replied with a huff. "Is she really to marry Thranduil?" I demanded.

I could see Thorin pause for only a moment too long.

"I... do not know. But that doesn't matter. She no longer is of your concern," he sighed, letting go of my wrist finally. "Only Singrutain and your clan is now."

"Hava is still my friend," I growled. "I cannot let her make such a huge mistake."

"You can and you will," Thorin snapped. He let out a deep breath and looked back at Singrutain, who seemed thrilled about a pink and yellow silk theme. "This is so important."

"And so is Hava. Or have you forgotten what she has done for this family?" I snapped and stormed out of the dining hall and into the hall to sit for a moment.

I was absolutely fuming right then. How could anyone simply dismiss Hava like she was nothing, like she meant nothing, like she'd done nothing to aid this clan. She meant everything. She was... She was... Ethanu Men. I buried my head in my hands, shaking my head. This was so messed up. She couldn't possibly be happy with Thranduil.... could she? My chest tightened painfully at the thought of her with that coward, that bastard. I grit my teeth in anger and... jealousy...? at the thought of them together, smiling, cuddling, kissing, having... Oh! My heart shattered suddenly. Not once have I felt so strongly for another besides my brother, especially not for a human! I stared at the shining floow now, trying to figure out what to do.

"Fili?"

I looked up to see my little brother and closest friend I've had since he was born, standing in front of me, wringing his wrists. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at his tenseness.

"Brother?" I inquired softly, standing straighter now. "Why do you look so?"

He swallowed hard. "Hava may stab me later for this, but... She loves you."

I blinked my eyes in shock. "Then.... why is it rumored that she weds Thranduil?"

"Because she's a fool and thinks that you'd be happier with that princess and she thinks that if she marries Thranduil, her feelings will be masked from you and she really really hates Thranduil..." he sputtered quickly, then freezing.

I sat there for what seemed like hours. Then, Thorin came out into the hall.

"What in Mahal is going on out here?" he demanded, looking between the two of us.

I turned to him, then, with a small grin said, "I'm getting married."

And left, running down towards the stables at full speed, adrenaline keeping me from stopping even after a day without sleep. I never thought of Hava as a damsel in distress, but I wasn't about to question it too hard. I needed her half of what she needed me.


	9. Only Time Will Tell

Chapter Nine: Only Time Will Tell

 

"The feast will be absolutely exquisite," Thranduil sighed softly as he placed his crown on his head, slender fingers fixing any stray hairs.

I could only absent-mindedly nod, running a comb numbly through my hair as he spoke. I wondered what Fili was doing at that moment. Was he happy? Was he smiling? Was he with Kili? The princess-- I snapped out of it, forcing him from my mind. I could only think of Thranduil and my duties now. My mid wandered to the feast with disdain. Upon completion, we would be locked together. I thought vaguely on how much the dwarves loved feasts. I do believe it was second only to killing orcs and trolls alike. I glanced over at Thranduil as he calmly fixed up the bed, humming lightly to himself as he did so. I pegged him for the sort of guy to let someone else take care of it. I felt a tad bit guilty for not fixing up my own side, though let's be real: I wasn't leaving it all too often these days. 

"You seem... distracted, my lady," he commented softly, causing me to snap out of my trance. I looked up at him, slightly confused, but then my rain registered his words.

"Ah... no... just thinking fondly of the banquet," I replied lightly, offering a small half-hearted smile. I had become an expert at feigning happiness as of late, it seemed.

Thranduil seemed to be constantly watching me, my every move, paying close attention to my every reply, so I had to make sure that they were always perfect, that he could not see the cloud of doubt and pain that hung over me every second the banquet was discussed. I repressed every flinch and grimace whenever he cupped my face or insisted on brushing my hair or just simply flashed me a smile. Thranduil seemed genuinely in love with me and perhaps in another life I would have loved him, too. However, this was this life, Thranduil and I had such a disgusting past and I could never truly love him. However, I could accept this marriage; I had to accept this marriage. I really didn't want to, but my wants were not a factor in this situation. Don't get me wrong, the thought of just leaving sat in the back of my mind, but I knew Kili and I knew dwarves and they could never accept that I really just left.

He smiled lightly, eyes softening. "I too fantasize about the banquet, however, my mind is more focused on tonight," he purred, coming over and lightly fixing my hair so it stayed behind my ears. 

I nodded, smile stiffening for half a second before loosening again.

"I also look forward to tonight," I replied quietly, putting my hand on his once it slid down to cup my face.

"Come, they're expecting us," he finally said softly, taking my hand to help me stand.

I complied, heart racing.

***

Throughout the dinner, I was completely silent. I would smile and nod whenever someone congratulated us. I sat stiffly on Thranduil's right hand and noticed there were so many elves here that I was not familiar with. I felt miserably uncomfortable, but I wasn't surprised, nor did I think I did not deserve it. I was going to pay for deceiving Thranduil and the rest of the world with an eternity at his side. It was during Thranduil's speech that an interruption brought forth the tears I'd been threatening to spill all night.

"... and I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with this young woman, right here," Thranduil spoke, shaking me from my thoughts.

I looked up at him and smiled stiffly, however everyone's attention was drawn to a very familiar dwarf shouting, "But you won't!"

I blinked a few times, sitting up straight now. Fili? I already felt my eyes begin to water and my lip tremble.

"Excuse me?" Who let him in here?!" Thranduil shouted angrily. "Look! You're upsetting my wife!" he exclaimed, motioning to me.

"No!" I shouted without really thinking as I shot up, my chair falling backwards. I paused, heart beat far to fast that I thought it might explode. "Stop! Fili... why have you come?" I inquired, trying hard not to allow my voice to waver as I faintly became aware of the tears giving way and falling down my cheeks.

"I've come here to put an end to this foolishness! Hava... you do not belong with him," Fili said, voice softening.

"And to whom does she belong?" Thranduil growled, quirking an unamused eyebrow. "Surely not some smelly dwarf!"

"I do not belong to anyone..." I said slowly. "I belong with ... with... I belong with Fili, if he'll have me," I breathed, watching the dwarven prince the entire time.

A grin broke out across his face. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Well it's too late! She and I are already wed!" Thranduil snapped.

"Oh shot it," I muttered, ripping the necklace off and throwing it on the table.

He did not move. He did not speak. He simply stood and stared at us as we left. I was obviously surprised that he didn't send his guards after us, however I didn't really care as Fili took my hand and ran out of the palace. I hopped onto the horse Fili had brought as he hopped onto his pony.

"You really planned everything," I teased, ripping off the bottom to my silk green dress in slight irritation when I couldn't sit properly. 

Fili's face tinted pink at the sudden revealing of my long legs, but nodded quickly.

"I knew you couldn't stay away for too long," he said confidently, offering another grin.

A couple of hours later, we rode into Erebor to be met by quite a few happy faces, however one extremely dwarror princess, who I recognized immediately. I repressed a disturbed groan when she shrieked. 

"Her?! You chose a human over me?!" she screamed, stomping her feet.

"Princess Singrutain," I started, slipping off the horse, trying to cover my legs with my cloak the best I could.

"Yes," Fili answered as he, too, dismounted.

I looked over at him, blinking a few times. "Fili.." I murmured. 

"What? It's true," he said nonchalantly. "Singrutain, you are not my One. And I will marry no less," he stated, looking around as if daring anyone to say anything less, which no one did.

She huffed angrily and left with her chaperone in their carriage. A few moments of complete silence and suddenly someone started clapping. And then everyone started clapping. Fili beamed with pride, that smirk on his face.

I simply smiled over at him. It felt so good to be home, to have somewhere to call home. It felt so warm and so friendly. Suddenly, however, my stomach growled painfully and loudly. Gazes turned in my direction again.

"Mahal... they didn't even feed you!" Dwalin exclaimed. "Come on, men! Let's get our future queen something in her belly!" With that, half of the group ran off, presumably to the kitchen.

I playfully rolled my eyes. "It's not that they didn't feed me, it's that... I think I was actually too depressed to eat," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my head as my gaze lowered.

"Are you depressed still, amrâlimê?" Fili inquired softly, cocking his head to the side and taking my hand.

I blushed lightly, shifting slightly at the name and shook my head. "Not really..." I admitted, offering him a small smile.

"Then good," he said, grinning once more. He started to say something before Kili interrupted him.

"You look tired, Hava. Perhaps some rest?" he suggested, quirking an eyebrow up at me.

I looked down at him and although he flinched when I reached down towards him, I simply hugged the dwarf, pulling him in tightly. "Thank you..." I whispered softly.

"Hava? Would you... like me to escort you back to your chambers?" Fili inquired softly, holding his hand out for me to take.

I nodded, letting go of Kili. I walked with Fili down to my chambers and paused upon reaching the door. I stared at it silently before looking down at him.

"I... would rather not be alone," I mumbled, rubbing my arm in embarrassment. He blinked a few times, but then grinned and nodded.

"I have no problems staying with you, My lady," he said happily, giving a playful bow.

I rolled my eyes, but quietly entered my chambers. Everything had been left the way it was when I left, though the sheets had been changed recently. I sat down, putting my satchel on the floor. Fili hesitated, but then also sat down. Often times, dwarves didn't have intercourse before they were wed. I wasn't about the break such a sacred tradition, however, the thought of not waking up to Fili disturbed and frightened me. Especially since I'd been waking up to Thranduil for the passed couple of mornings.

"So... Thranduil, huh?"

"Oh I don't even want to discuss him," I muttered, slipping off my boots. "Or these past few days."

He simply nodded, just watching me now.

"You know..."

"Nope, none of it," I interrupted, taking off my cloak and folding it neatly. "I just want to sleep."

"What about food?"

"I'll eat when I wake up," I answered calmly, looking over at him.

"Hava, you look like you haven't eaten in days... at least put something in your belly before you sleep," he insisted, putting his hand over mind.

"Not like it could kill me anyways," I snorted, but then froze. I... I can't die... My chest felt like it was being crushed my a mountain troll. I glanced over at him for a few moments before looking down again.

"Something wrong?" he inquired worriedly, seeing my face go pale.

"No... uh, well, yes... My head hurts, I guess... could... Could I be alone for a little while?" I inquired suddenly.

"Uh sure. Do you need anything?" he asked, standing though he clearly didn't want to leave.

"No," I said, admittedly a little too quickly.

"Oh, okay... let me know if you change your mind," he murmured, leaning in as if to kiss my head.

I flinched back at the gesture. He frowned, confused, but soon left, throwing me on last glance before leaving.

I flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Soon enough, I heard a light, tentative knock on the door.

"Hava?" Kili called out.

"Come in," I answered with a sigh.

The smell of stew wafted into my nostrils and I slowly opened my eyes.

"Where's Fili?"

"Dunno."

"I thought you were going to lie together?" 

I shrugged. "I... Kili, have you and Tauriel discussed the fact that she's immortal?" I inquired suddenly, finally looking over at him.

He blinked a few times, caught off guard. "Er... no? It doesn't seem that important. Why?" he murmured.

"Why don't you think that's important?" I asked, sitting up now.

He thought about it ffor a few moments, setting the tray on my desk. "Even if she weren't immortal, one of us would die first eventually," he answered slowly.

"But if you die first, she'll live for so long all alone, sad because you aren't with her," I mumbled, eyes lowering.

"Something tells me that it's not simply us that's on your mind," he murmured with a light sigh, sitting down next to me.

I shrugged a little. "It's not just Tauriel that's immortal."

"And you're afraid of what happens when Fili is dead." he finished, quirking an eyebrow.

I slowly nodded.

Kili was silent for quite some time before saying, "You love my brother and he loves you. Nothing could change that. He's going to die and whether you choose to join him or not is completely up to you."

I nodded slowly once more. "You're right, Kili," I murmured, thinking back on Jewel. "People, even the one's we love, die no matter how hard we wished they couldn't."

He smiled and pat my back. "Don't sweat it right now, Hava. You have a couple hundred years until Fili leaves, and that's if he leaves without a fight," he murmured reassuringly, smirking playfully, thought it didn't feel so reassuring at the time. However, I took it like a big girl and simply nodded.

Not long after Kili left and I started eating my dinner, Fili slowly, tentatively came back in. He offered me that charming little smile and I could only chuckle.

"Can I help you, my prince?" I inquired teasingly.

"Pretty formal for my future wife," he chuckled, fully entering the room, closing the door behind him.

I felt my cheeks warm, so I just went back to eating. He made his way over and sat next to me, watching me intently so in return I looked over at him, eyebrow playfully quirked.

"Yes?"

"Nothing, you're just... really beautiful," he murmured, offering his usual smirk, knowing he was the only reason my face was on fire.

I offered a small smile in returned and suddenly leaned over, lightly pecking his cheek.

"As are you cute," I teased, seeing his cheeks go red.

"Not cute; handsome," he corrected, clearing his throat.

"Handsome and ferocious, like a lion."

He cocked his head to the side. "A... lion?"

"Oh, that's right! You guys wouldn't have lions in such cold climates," I said, digging through my notebook. Upon finding the pages full of lion sketches, I handed him the book. He looked at the sketches in such fascination that I couldn't help but smile.

"Wow... can they really get that big?" he asked excitedly.

I nodded calmly. "I've lived amongst a pride, or a group of lions, for several weeks one time. The witch doctor of the near by village was convinced that I could convince the lions not to eat the village's children and I couldn't leave until I made certain of it," I sighed, shaking my head. "The lions really didn't mind me and although I really didn't do anything to prevent it, they stopped attacking the village. I had pleaded with the lions, not thinking they could actually hear me. Maybe they had. I'll never know," I said, thinking back on my time with the pride.

Fili grinned. "That sounds pretty wonderful, Hava," he responded.

I just smiled down at him. "It was quite wonderful. But I find I'm far more content here, with my favorite lion," I murmured, smiling fondly.

He grinned right back, but then paused, grin fading a little to a more somber smile.

"Kili told me about what you and he talked about," he said after a few silent minutes. "Says he's still worried you'll throw all his hard work away," he laughed.

I just playfully rolled my eyes, "Should've known you two would talk about it... Well, he shan't worry any further. I intend on making you my husband, if you'll still have me," offering a quick, hopeful smile.

His grin almost immediately returned when he looked up at me.

"I don't really think I could bear to have it any other way," he answered, giving me a hearty hug, which I returned lovingly. I yawned tiredly and rather suddenly.

"Oh my, forgive me," I murmured, hand over my mouth. "I don't really understand why I'd be so tired; I've practically been asleep these passed few days...."

"Maybe you're emotionally drained? Sometimes, my mom would say that was why uncle went to bed early," Fili mumbled with a shrug. "Just a thought."

"No, no, that makes sense," I agreed. "Perhaps tomorrow morning I will feel refreshed and energized."

"I hope so!" Fili said, grinning up at me.

"Well, would you do me the honor of escorting me to Dream land?" I inquired.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he replied, taking and gently kissing my hand.

While he took off his boots and over clothes, I went behind my changing screen and switched to a wonderful silk night gown Fili had found for me in Dale several weeks ago. I waited for him to give me the 'okay' before exiting. I gently flattened the gown before sitting on my bed to start braiding my hair. It became so knotted if I didn't.

"Er... might I do that?" Fili asked, cheeks tinting lightly.

I paused, but then smiled lightly and handed him the comb.

"Only if you think you're brave enough to handle my mane," I teased

"You better believe it," he chuckled, kneeling behind me as he took the comb. I sat patiently while he gently combed through my hair, loving how delicate and careful he was with my long hair.

"Hm... I've been thinking about cutting it..." I murmured.

"Your hair? What for?" he inquired quickly.

I shrugged lightly. "I've been growing iit for almost thirty years now. Ugh, I have to comb it every five minutes if I don't want it to become tangled. Dwarvish hair, however, is super easy to take are of."

"Hm, makes sense," Fili murmured as he started to braid my locks. "Ah, but you take such good care of it; so silky and smooth," he purred in my ear, sending a shiver down my back.

"Ah, w-well, I mean if y-you like it, why not keep it?" I mumbled, awkwardly clearing my throat.

He simply chuckled. "Hava, don't you ever do something only if you think it'll please me. This is your body and I love it and you no matter what you decide," he said softly.

I smiled lightly to myself. "All right," I agreed, sitting contently now.

Upon finishing, Fili ended it with a marital clasp at the end and admired his work. I moved it over my shoulder and smiled fondly at the clasp. I blinked a few times when I felt Fili place his lips to the top of my head.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself," he murmured quietly, resting his forehead against the back of my head.

I smiled softly, then turned around to look at him. He lifted his head, but only enough so there were mere centimeters between us. I felt my face start to heat up, but my gaze was completely locked on his eyes. They were quite captivating. I smiled a little more after a few moments of silence and leaned in, softly touching the tip of my nose to his. He paused, but then a wide grin spread across his face, eyes lightly up. He happily rubbed his nose against mine, causing me to giggle.

"Can you two be any cuter?" teasingly said a voice from the doorway.

We both turned in unison to see Dis standing in the door way. She smiled fondly at us, eyebrow quirked playfully.

"I had heard that you two were a couple now, but I had to see it for my own eyes," she explained, clasping her hands together. "Oh I knew you two would end up together the moment you laid eyes on each other."

I froze, glancing over at Fili, who looked utterly confused.

"When we-- how do--" Fili stuttered, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Have... you not told him?" Dis inquired, looking at me now.

"Well, obviously you didn't either," I responded quickly.

"Tell me what?" he asked, looking between the both of us, becoming even more confused.

"Lady Hava here saved your life when you became ill when you were very little," Dis started, offering a soft smile. "You became ill playing too long in the snow and if Lady Hava hadn't stopped by to say hi, you might very well have died."

He looked over at me, clearly surprised.

"You---"

"Ah, Lady Dis, if it means anything to you, it is very late and I'm sure you're tired from your no doubt long trip. I'm also sure your sleeping quarters are prepared," I said quickly, offering her a smile that said that this wasn't the time nor place.

She seemed to catch on. "You're correct... good night, my son," she said, coming over and planting a kiss on his forehead before leaving.

Fili just looked at me. "My mother.... actually listened to you? What is going on. What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, it's like your mom said: I made you better when you were oh no older than ten, twelve? You probably don't even remember."

"You rode on a silver horse then," he murmured, watching ,e. "Your hair wasn't quite as long, but I still remember playing with it.

"You... do remember?" I asked.

"Vaguely. I thought... I thought you were a goddess," he admitted, cheeks flushed.

I paused, then chuckled lightly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, causing his face to flush further. I happily rested my head on his shoulder and let out a content sigh.

"According to Lossor, children are glued to me," I mumbled.

"Do you... hope to have children one day?" he asked softly.

I was quiet for a few moments, before nuzzling my face into his neck. Did I? I had always enjoyed playing with children whenever I managed to find an accepting enough village. Occasionally, I would find myself on a farm with up to ten children, most, if not all, taken in due to no family of guardians. I enjoyed helping them with their chores so that we could play for longer. I didn't think I wanted children for the longest time due to being immortal. I didn't even think I could have children, however... if given the chance...

"Yes," I murmured.

I felt him shift to look down at me, so I looked up at him. A happy, goofy and extremely attractive grin spread across his face. He leaned down suddenly, calloused hand cupping my face while the other rested on my waist, and pressed his lips to mine. I let out a muffled sound of surprise, however melted into the embrace. After several seconds, we lost our balance in the strange somewhat twisting pose and collapsed onto the bed, both of us bursting into a fit of laughter. We grinned at each other lovingly.

"We should go to sleep," I murmured after a little while.

He nodded quietly. We both slipped under the covers and I laid behind him while he nestled up to me. After we settled down, we both fell asleep fairly peacefully. And I hoped. I prayed for no nightmares.


	10. Another Adventure

Chapter Ten: Another Adventure

 

Fili and I awoke the next morning to blissful silence. We had moved around during the night and I ended up with my head resting on his chest. I nuzzled my face deeper into his shirt, humming with happiness. He tightened his hold around me and I smiled joyously up at his content face, a smile also on his lips. I reached up and nuzzled my nose under his jaw line, and had to admit that I never thought I would be like this, lying with him such in bliss.

I also didn't think Kili would be bursting through my door, singing something about good mornings at the top of his lungs. I looked up at him, slightly annoyed.

"Good morning to you, too," I grumbled, sitting up.

He grinned, obviously proud that he was able to annoy someone so early in the morning. 

"Breakfast is ready and Bilbo wants to speak with you, Hava," he said, but then paused. "Hey wait... does this mean I can call you sister now?"

My face flushed at the thought and glanced over at Fili as he, too, sat up.

"Well, you're not calling her mother," he snorted, then I suddenly felt him press his lips to my neck, causing a shiver to run down my spine and my face to burn brighter.

"Oh my, you two are so scandalous," he chuckled, quickly turning and leaving, door shutting behind him.

"W-What's with the early morning affection?" I stuttered, shifting slightly in embarrassment.

"To get him to leave," he mumbled against my neck, softly pressing his lips against it again.

I frowned. "Fili... I don't... really appreciate physical affection if it's not actually affection..." I mumbled.

"I know, love, but you didn't let me finish. I also did it because your skin is so radiant in the morning and it was right there and it was just so tempting," he mumbled, planting soft kisses up from my shoulder to my jawline.

"Oh, well, I-I suppose that's acceptable," I breathed, allowing him complete access. My heart fluttered with pleasure and my chest tightened with anticipation.

I turned slightly to face him, hoping to kiss him, though all my blissful moments had a bad habit of dying before they could completely flourish, for a knock sounded on the door.

"Ignore that," Fili growled, lightly pushing my back onto the bed as he buried his face into my neck again, beard and mustache causing my to giggle. 

I tangled my fingers through his mane of blond hair as he nipped and kissed at my neck, moving down to my collarbone. I bit my lip as my eyes closed and my breath hitched upon Fili biting hard enough to surely leave a mark.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" he murmured apologetically.

Before I could even answer, another knock on the door made me groan.

"Let me just answer it," I murmured, looking down at him.

He pouted, however finally complied, allowing me to stand and answer the door. When I did, Bilbo was starting to knock again, however paused when he noticed me.

"Ah, sorry to intrude," he said, blushing upon noticing Fili's impatient looks.

"No, no, it's all right. This must be important?" I inquired, cocking a playful eyebrow.

"Yes, yes, right, well, uh you see, word came through from the Shire about Lossor," he started.

I perked up, worry coursing through my veins immediately.

"What... what happened?" I asked slowly, my hands ringing a small portion of my silk night gown.

"Er, well, no, no, don't look so worried, please... He uhm... there was something about him... possibly being kidnapped?" he squeaked, eyebrows furrowed up in worry.

I let out the break I suddenly realized I was holding on. My jaw went rigid. Kidnapped? I took a moment to compose myself. No amount of quarreling or nasty words from an angry child could ever defer me from thinking of him as my angry child. 

"By... by who?" I asked softly, lip trembling.

Lossor was completely capable of handling himself in just about any situation, but no one said kidnapped unless it seemed violent or completely without consent. Lossor was easy to anger, however I had always been there, been there to protect him emotionally and mentally. But since I sent Bilbo home without giving word to Lossor, he was alone. No one to protect him...

"My sniveling, distant, distant relatives refuse to tell me anything more until I come to them directly with... payment..." 

"Anything. I'll pay them anything," I sputtered. I realized I jumped too quickly on that, however...

Bilbo shook his head. "They're my relatives, Hava. A gold coin or two would be enough to amaze them," he snorted.

"I have that. Please, I need to hurry. What are their names?" I demanded.

"Woah, wait a minute. I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again," Fili said, quickly moving off the bed and to my side, taking my hand.

I let out a shaky sigh, but made myself look at him.

"Fili..." I murmured quietly. "And you'll never lose me again," I said softly.

He looked up at me with uncertainty, however brought my hand up to his lips and placed a soft kiss upon them. He offered me his usual, cheeky grin and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'll send word on my next move upon obtaining the information from Bilbo's relatives."

"Distant relatives... ah, and I'm coming with you," Bilbo peeped up.

"W-... that wouldn't be necessary, really," I replied, looking over at him now.

"No, no, it would be quite all right. I still have some things to take care of," he said, waving it off. "Besides, Thorin... doesn't want you going alone."

"What ever for?"

Bilbo stared at me for a few moments before I slowly came to realize he probably didn't want me pissing off any more kinds, including himself.

"What about Fili?" I suggested.

"Yeah, I would like to spend some time with my future bride," he snorted.

I frowned, looking down at him. "Didn't you last night?"

"Without being interrupted by my kin," he grumbled.

"But... I like spending time with your kin," I teased.

He looked up at me with absolute disbelief and I could only laugh. Bilbo also smiled, lightly, but then frowned.

"Er, well, the thing is... Thorin wants Fili to stay to work on becoming the best king he'll no doubt become," he added quickly, face flushing lightly.

"Ugh... maybe I can reason--"

"The last time you tried to reason with Thorin, you were bitten by a spider and almost died," I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

Fili looked up at me and, upon noticing my worry, kissed my hand again.

"My lady, I would rather scrub a mountain troll head to toe before I worry you any further... Please don't male me scrub a mountain troll," he playfully pleaded, taking my other hand in his.

I couldn't resist a chuckle and lightly kissed his nose.

"I, too, find that disturbing and utterly unnecessary. Still," I said, standing straight again. "I don't mind travelling with Bilbo. It'll be fine, Fili. Continue your studies and make me more proud of you than I already am," I responded.

Fili grinned happily up at me, however Bilbo decided to ruin out loving moment by piping up, "We should leave soon if we wish to set up camp outside of Mirkwood ."

I nodded calmly. "I will be ready and available shortly, Bilbo," I told him calmly.

"How long until you're ready?" Fili asked.

I looked down at him, a little confused as to why he need to know, however Bilbo said maybe an hour and Fili grinned.

"Good, good," he said, ushering the hobbit out. "Go get ready and we'll come find you," he said happily, closing the door before Bilbo could say anything more. He turned towards me and grinned cockily. "A whole hour."

I furrowed my eyebrows, still rather confused.

"I... need to dress and pack," I stated. "An hour should be sufficient, especially since I wish to bathe."

"Might I join you then?"

I blinked a few times, but then suddenly laughed. "Fili... traditionally, don't dwarves go on a week vacation before you... uhm... ya know..?"

"Huh? No! No, as, well, heh... no! I don't-- well, heh, I do," he said, eyes slowly descending down my body before snapping them back up to my own eyes. "But not right now! I just mean... it's just more time together," he murmured softly, offering another small grin.

I smiled softly and was about to agree, however the sudden question of my scars came up and panic went through my body and my frown reappeared. Fili looked up at me worriedly, cocking his head to the side.

"Hava?" he inquired.

"Ah... no... Er, I don't think bathing would be an ideal action, as I simply will become dirty once again. I understand that could stand to have more logic, but I won't exactly be in the company of someone I'm trying to impress," I said teasingly, attempting to light the mood.

He looked uncertain, however nodded quietly in agreement. "Well, alright," he mumbled. "Can I still help... pack?" he asked hopefully.

I smiled lightly and nodded. "I have no problem with that," I reassured him, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "And I will always make time for you, so long as I can steal you away from your studies," I teased.

"Fair enough," he agreed, "We should dress, though," he paused, looking me over again and I blushed upon realizing how little to the imagination my night gown left.

I shifted slightly, uncomfortable. With so many hundreds of years of traveling, I never really thought of myself as a very sexual being. Then again, I've had to question my sexuality many times before settling on bisexuality. However, I'd never been subjected to thinking about or having sex for most of my travels, so... I was slightly uncomfortable. More due to the fact that I had really no experience, at least for the male version.

Fili must have noticed my discomfort, for he mumbled, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, amrâlimê."

"No, you're fine," I replied quickly, holding up my hands. "That's pretty hard for you to do," I assured him. "However, I will dress now..." I sighed, and started sifting through my rather small box of clothing. I hadn't found it necessary to have a lot, for no one used to see me more than once, though I felt I may need to change my way of thinking. But not quite yet.

"Your clothing... they seem ratty.... and very thin," Fili mumbled, peering over my shoulder.

I laughed, shaking my head. "I never really had a need for extravagant robes," I murmured with a shrug.

"And I don't want you to feel like you have to dress up real nice if you don't want to, being queen, you know," he said quickly, rubbing the back of his head as I slipped behind the changing screen.

"I'm not queen, Fili. Technically, that's Bilbo," I snickered. "And if occasion so demands, I understand that as your... as your intended... I'm required to properly represent you and your family," I explained calmly, slipping on my shirt.

"But I also want you to be comfortable. I know how you don't like being the center of attention," Fili teased.

"Fili, I've unfortunately spent most of my life as the center of attention, but you're still right: it does my me uncomfortable," I admitted, shaking my head.

I came out from behind the screen and straightened my admittedly raggy clothes. I noted the few holes to stitch, however I knew Fili was giving me disapproving looks, so I finally looked over.

"Yes?"

"Why don't I find you something else to wear," he suggested, coming over and trying to pinch together the cloth of my pants where a hole was nearly showing my undergarments.

"Aw, is someone worried a stranger will give me googly eyes?" I teased, running my hands through his hair.

"I just don't want to be the last one to see your beautiful form." he muttered.

"Oh wow, thanks," I snorted, moving away from him so I could start packing.

"That's not what I meant!" he exclaimed, quickly following me over to my desk. "I only meant that with those holes, your skin is free for everyone to see."

"You aren't helping your case, Fili," I mumbled, however turned towards him as I sat in my chair. "I've these for quite some time, Fili. Relax."

He looked at me for a few moments before finally agreeing to let up. I gently kissed his nose, a small smile playing at my lips. I rested my forehead against the prince's and relaxed. Fili looked up and lightly kissed me, hands moved to my waist as one of my hands slightly tangled in his hair. I felt a shiver run down my spine when Fili started to nip at my bottom lips, though let out an annoyed groan when Kili decided to burst into the room.

"What?" I growled, not really in the mood to hear any more of his singing.

"Hava... it's Rosie," he said, speaking with a distinct lack of breath.

 

"Hava?" Bilbo murmured softly, poking his head into the stable.

"Mm? Oh, yes, I'm... I'm ready," I declared clearing my throat as I stood.

"Are you sure? You were close..." he remarked.

"Yes, I'm aware. However, she is dead... and Lossor is... hopefully still alive," I mumbled, moving to a different horse. "Let's just go."


	11. Forgiveness Is Always Acceptable

Chapter Eleven: Forgiveness Is Always Acceptable

 

I didn't talk for the first day while we traveled through Mirkwood. I noticed the occasional guard running through the forest, however I decided to pay them no mind. I wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with them and I had the feeling they knew. Now the only question for them was who was scarier: Me or Thranduil. The night was fairly uneventful, though I did lie closer to Bilbo than I'm sure he expected. It felt empty not to have Rosie behind me and I felt more vulnerable than I cared for. I seemed to feel more vulnerable in general now and that frightened me to the bone. Even though the evil was cast back, vulnerability was still nothing short of death in this land.

"You aren't normally this quiet," Bilbo remarked while we packed up our supplies in order to move on the next morning.

"Ah... I wasn't sure what to say," I admitted as I doused the fire. No need to set the forest on fire.

"Well, there are plenty of things to talk about! Such as when in the world are you and Fili going to marry each other?" he demanded, grinning hopefully.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Really?"

"Well... Everyone wants to know," he explained with a shrug. "You two are highly discussed," he informed me.

I quirked an eyebrow. "What ever for? If anything, I'd think everyone would be interested in you and Thorin," I teased.

"W-Why?!" he inquired loudly, face flushing as he fumbled with his bedroll.

"Uh, because Thorin is the king?" I suggested, adjusting the saddle on my horse. 

"Well.. uhm... oh please, we're just like any other couple," he mumbled.

"Uh huh," I chuckled, shaking my head.

I hopped up onto my horse as Bilbo did his pony. I glanced around, making sure nothing was forgotten or left behind.

"Has Fili... seen them?" Bilbo asked tentatively upon our continuation.

"If by them you mean my scars then no," I sighed. "I don't know that he ever will..."

"Oh Hava... you know Fili far too well to think he would shame you. Nothing that happened to you was your fault," he declared.

"Don't you think I've come to terms with that? I just-- They're so ugly," I murmured, exasperated.

"And since when has Hava the Healer ever cared about what she looks like?" he inquired, riding up beside me. "You're beautiful, Hava. Don't let someone else's cruelty affect your view of that."

I glanced over at him, back tingling at the thought of my torturer. My arms ached at the feeling of being hung up by them for so many years. My tongue felt like sand at the memory of watching Azog the Defiler drink precious wine on his seat right next to me. I shuddered, forcing myself to remind me that I was here now and he wasn't.

"I'll.. put further thought to it," I finally agreed in a grumble. "Until then, have you and Thorin done it?"

"What kind of question is that?!" Bilbo sputtered loudly, eyes wide, face turning a brilliant shade of red.

I simply grinned over at him as he attempted to calm down, only to be riled up again by some no doubt interesting memory. 

"Do I really have to answer that?" he grumbled, shifting on the pony.

"Nah, I won't embarrass you anymore on the topic," I murmured, unable to resist a teasing chuckle.

"Ah, speaking of scars, did you not once tell me that there was major damage to your inner organs?"

I paused. "Well, yeah, I mean... I was speared at least several dozen times, Bilbo. Completely through."

"What about... your uterus?" he asked in nearly a whisper.

I frowned, confused. Why... oh... My heart dropped at the sudden realization that I might not be able to produce an heir for Fili. My uterus had only been struck a handful of times, however, that could have been enough to render it useless. I bit my lip.

"What do you think Fili will say when he finds out?" I mumbled, eyes lowering.

"He'll no doubt want to adopt," Bilbo declared strongly. "he loves you too much to leave you downtrodden with no child. Or perhaps he'll let Kili's offspring be the heir."

"I feel awful about it, though... Bearing a child is of the highest honor, especially to the dwarves and here I am, basically disgracing my intended by making him unable to even... agh! This is one big mess," I grumbled, rubbing my temples.

"Hava, Hava, relax," Bilbo spoke quickly. "Just relax. You are not dishonoring Fili for something that is no where near your fault," he exclaimed. "Do not ever think to yourself that Fili ever regrets falling in love with you. He fell in love with you for you, not your child bearing ability."

I nodded quietly. "You're right," I murmured in agreement. "So... Are you and Thorin going to wed?"

Bilbo smiled fondly. "We weren't going to say anything, however Thorin and I are planning to leave for the traditional week for lovers. That's why he's been so hard on Fili; he's trying to prepare him for that week alone."

I grinned lightly. "I think it'll be a nice break for you two," I noted calmly. "Speaking of children, though, would you two ever want to adopt?" 

"I'm not sure. Thorin has such a love for children, however I'm not sure we'd both have time to spend with the child. I will definitely discuss it with Thorin," he said, nodding.

"Mm... so, how much more do you need to do at your home in the Shire?"

"Ah, not a lot. I just need to decide if I wish to keep the house or... nope, no, I'd rather die than give it to my relatives," he growled, scowling.

I laughed and shook my head. "Look at that determination," I joked.

"Well, they are quite the nasty bunch. I mean really; thievery, dishonesty and just oh!" He paused suddenly and looked up at me in wonder. "Do you remember your own family?"

I blinked a few times in surprise. "Oh my... I... I honestly haven't thought about them in a while," I admitted, frowning lightly. A small smile soon overtook that frown as I remembered everyone. "But yes. As if I had talked to them just yesterday."

"Do you... mind telling me what they were like?" he asked softly, watching, gauging my every reaction.

"Of course, of course," I agreed happily. "I don't get to talk them a lot... Who would you like to know about first?"

"Mmm... how about your mother?"

"Ah, truly the heart of the family," I sighed fondly. "She was always smiling. It would just light up any room she entered, even if that was, in my five year old self's opinion, the scariest room of the house: the sick room. I was sure she could heal any ailment with that smile of hers." I murmured. "Until... until she became ill," I mumbled. "My father stayed up for weeks on end, reading my mother's notes and books since she was the doctor of the family. Heh... my dad made toys for a living..."

"Toys? That sounds wonderful!" he said excitedly.

"Yeah, but he... couldn't seem to find time to do it anymore, so my big sister took his place. Since my mother was teaching me the trade, my... father pulled me out of school to join him in helping my mother. And in feeding his obsession," I grumbled. "Eventually, my mother died. We never figured out what was wrong, however I've come to believe it was a simple cold. When I was little, a cold was extremely deadly. I mean, don't get me wrong, it still is really difficult to heal, however remedies are still available for readily than over four hundred years ago." 

"Wow..."

I simply shook my head. "In any case, I picked up my mother's work. Not two months later and my dad fell ill. I did all I could, but he... died within a week.. I do believe it was from a broken heart."

"How old were you?" Bilbo inquired. "You said something about being five?"

"That's as far back as I can remember. My mom died when I was nine and my father on my tenth birthday," I answered quietly. "I don't know when my sister died, however my brother died when I was twenty two."

"And you told me that your brother's girlfriend was the source of your curse?"

I fiddled with the necklace around my neck absent-mindedly. "She was the one who gave it to me. She was mad that I wouldn't save his life," I snorted. Upon seeing the incredulous look from Bilbo, I continued, "The king governing our land was cruel and more than half our city was rebelling against him. Many people died in the process. I told him, my brother, that if he joined the guard that I never wanted to see him again. That he was dead to me."

"But he's your brother. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"Not when he killed my dad..."

"Woah, I thought you said he died of an illness!"

"I never said that... I said he became sick from a broken heart... He said it was an accident. He bashed in his skull," I conveyed through clenched teeth. "That bastard..."

"You ever figure out why?"

"Back then, the father of the son had to give permission to allow them into the army. My father didn't want him to go and since the legal system wasn't as lovely as it is now, no one cared that he killed my father. Well, except for my sister and me."

"So... what happened?"

"He was stabbed through the stomach twice with a crude rusty sword. I honestly don't think I cold have saved him even if I tried. He died on my doorstep and his secret girlfriend found out. She came by my house that night and I figured she wanted to kill me, but not..."

"Did she tell you why she did it?"

"She told me it was because I needed to learn a lesion on love and you know what? I learnt that lesson."

"Hmm... and you left soon after that?"

"I nodded in confirmation. "Someone torched my house before I even had the chance to utilize my curse," I snorted. "Probably her."

"Wow..."

I let out a heavy sigh and shrugged. "The life one lives," I snorted.

"Well... how did you meet Lossor?"

"Ah, that's a good change of topic," I said quickly. "I've been around here before, about two centuries ago. I had no map of the area, so I believe it was pretty obvious that I would become lost in no time at all," I laughed. "Unfortunately, I was lost up Carn Dam, near where Elmeth lives. I underestimated how cold it was up there and apparently Elmeth found me, however I woke up in Rivendell."

"What evidence did you have that would suggest that you were even with Elmeth?" Bilbo asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"An egg. Lossor's Egg," I murmured. "A pure black egg. Rumor had it that a black egg of any kind was horribly bad luck. However, I knew Elmeth had entrusted him to me and I could not let him down."

"When did he hatch?"

"Only a week later," I sighed fondly. "My little oddity hatched completely pitch black. Dead. I found that although I had only had him for a week, I couldn't stop crying. Eventually, I put myself back together and brought him back to life. I don't know if Elmeth saw or felt something, however I believed he came to me for a reason." I cleared my throat, nearly tearing up at the memory of Lossor's baby form just lying there, cold. "When he came back to life, he was the happiest baby I'd ever seen," I chuckled. "And he had the most energy."

"Oh my," he chuckled, offering me a grin. "I figured he was, considering how energetic he was when he was with me."

"Ah, speaking of which, was he... angry while he was with you?" I inquired softly.

"A little bit. He seemed to relax a little more when he sat near the fireplace," he murmured. "He's not angry at you, though, Hava. He loves you. You're his mom," he spoke gently, although confidently.

I offered him a small smile and nodded in agreement. I thought fondly about the memories I had with him. I protected him until he became of age, although it was interesting how shapeshifters and dragons had similar ages of maturity. We spent a long time trying to find his parents and we at least found his dad. Although he was dead... I held him for so long at the long dead battlefield and simply allowed him to cry. Lossor used to be so emotive and expressive, however he became angry and withdrawn after we found his father. I knew it was never directed towards me, although it felt like it was. Without much warning, the warning from Elrond flashed in my mind. 

"Hey... Elrond warned me about something while Kili and I were in Rivendell," I finally murmured. 

"Lord Elrond? Oh my, that must be important. What did he say? And so be as precise as possible, Word play is a miserably dangerous trick elves possess," he chuckled.

I thought back carefully. "'Sometimes enemies can become allies, but only under the right circumstances'. I can only guess what that means," I mumbled.

"Mm.. well, who are our enemies?" Bilbo inquired, facing contorting to look thoughtful.

"Uh... Sauron... pretty sure Thranduil... Goblins, uhm trolls," I'm sure," I snorted.

"And who would become our ally... under the 'right circumstances'?"

"Certainly not Saron," I answered swiftly. "I suppose trolls are easily persuaded with gifts... mm... Thranduil is probably completely useless to us now and that's my fault," I groaned.

"No, no, Thranduil is... Thranduil is simply impossible to please," Bilbo sighed. "Besides, maybe he was talking about the trolls...."

I simply rolled my eyes. "What ever he meant, we have triple the amount of allies than enemies. I find I am having trouble seeing why we would ever need their help," I snorted.

"Did he say anything else?" Bilbo asked.

"'Don't give in for even a second... or something along those lines. You know how weird Elrond is with his contractions," I chuckled.

"'Give in'..." he repeated, quirking an eyebrow. "Like... to what?"

I simply shrugged in confusion. "No idea. I've heard similar demands from Lady Galadriel when I was being tortured by-- you didn't hear that,"I said quickly, looking over at him with worry.

However, I only received a look of utter surprised from the hobbit.

"Please..."

"I... promise not to say anything, Hava, however I'm not sure I could just ignore hearing about you being tortured. You're like a sister, Hava... Please don't try to act stoic. It really doesn't suit you."

"Oh wow thanks, I muttered. "I... the only people who know are Lady Galadriel, Gandalf, Elrond and Sarumon and that's only because they saved me while banishing Sauron off to Mahal knows where," I muttered. "Azog had already gone to... to war, so I was alone."

"Was it... Azog who tortured you?" he asked tentatively. 

"Yes," I answered in a heavy breath. "For approximately a decade. I only was able to count my days by good memory and scratching tally marks into the many broken walls that surrounded me. For the most part, I was hung up by my arms however occasionally, I would be tied up and hung from my legs," I mumbled. "Somewhere around once a week."

"Hava... that's... awful.." he breathed.

"Oh, well, it gets worse, however I would love to discuss when you and Thorin are going to have the wedding."

Bilbo's face turned cherry red and he quickly looked away. 

"W-Well, we haven't thought of an exact date yet, however we do hope it will be soon. Perhaps once we finish with finding Lossor?" he suggested. "Oh! B-but I don't want us to hurry! Well, I mean, we should, you know , hurry, since we don't know and--"

"Bilbo, Bilbo, it's okay, I understand," I chuckled softly. "We will find Lossor and be back home in no time," I reassured him. "I look forward to your wedding, my friend."

"Ah, but who should my best man be? Oh, that is if we have a traditional wedding. I haven't had much of a chance to read up on dwarven ceremony, well except for Thorin vaguely er more drunkenly telling me about the week that the couple is supposed to go off somewhere else and do what ever. But it doesn't really matter to me so long as Thorin is happy. Have toy see n him smile? Oh it's probably the most... brilliant thing I've ever seen," he sighed fondly.

I grinned lightly down at him.

"You are the cutest," I teased playfully.

"Ah," he murmured, face tinting pink again. "He just... just makes me so happy," he stated.

"I have similar feelings with Fili," I admitted gently, a small smile playing at my lips. "He is... my lion,

Bilbo looked up at me, seeming confused though decided not to question it.

 

We talked more about basically anything, so long as it wasn't about Lossor and the high possibility of his death. Upon arriving at the Shire three days later, we rested for the night in his home. The next morning, we walked around the small village, asking questions, trying to figure out if anybody saw anything. Until finally we talked to one of Bilbo's neighbors and we obtained some telling information.

"Yeah, I saw a big ol' flyin' lizard," he said, smoking his pipe.

"Flying... did it suddenly become very cold when it came?" I inquired quickly.

"Why yes it did, lil' lady. My poor crops nearly froze!"

"Thank you, very much, sir, Have a lovely day," I said, pulling a rather confused Bilbo back to his house.

"What in the world is going on, Hava?" he demanded once we arrived at our rides.

"Do you remember my story on how I came to have Lossor in my possession? Elemeth... He took me while I was in Rivendell. It became so cold... that little shit pretended not to know me. Why didn't I see it earlier?! He went back to Elmeth to... to I don't know, but I have to go check on him."

"Then I'm coming with you," he stated, starting to ready his pony.

"I thought you wanted to hurry back to wed your favorite dwarf," I teased.

"I can't get married with you, Hava. You're an important piece to the painting," he murmured lightly.

"I blinked a few times. "Really? oh, my... well if that's the case, then I must warn you that the mountains we must climb are... treacherous."

"Did anybody tell you about the trip to reclaiming Erebor?" he laughed. 

"Bilbo, no... this will be far worse... It is a very high possibility that Sauron lies in those mountains, however dormant."

"Then... then let's get a move on before he wakes up from his much needed beauty rest."


	12. Brewing Troubles

Capter Twelve: Brewing Troubles

 

It took approximately a week to finally arrive at the cave where Elmeth dwelt. The only reason we could tell it belonged to Elmeth was because of the soft mewling from the inner cave. We were both nearly frozen, so we ushered inside. Without much warning, a sword was pressing to my throat and I simply snorted, looking up at my old friend with slight amusement, eyebrow quirked.

"You know that would do no good on me, Lossor."

"I can only hope," he snarled. "What makes you think you're welcome here?"

"Lossor. Why do you take such a tone with the healer?" Elmeth inquired as his large form came into the inner chamber from one of the hallways.

"Because she has no right to be here," he snapped.

"Lossor..." Elmeth started, moving closer to us.

Having been blinded before, I never had the chance to fully appreciate his form. Icicles hung from the many horns a top his large, angular head. His nearly white wings were massive though torn presumably from battle. His scales were only a little darker than his wings, however, one would be considered a fool if they dare say they did not glimmer in the firelight. He had several cats lying on his back and even one a top his head, resting between his two largest horns. 

"Lossor," I interrupted. "I understand that you are angry at me for leaving you with Bilbo, but you should know it was temporary," I said quickly. "You're the closest friend I have. We've been together for two hundred years! Did you really think I'd abandon you for one person?"

"But you love him more," he murmured, lavender eyes narrowing at me.

"You are my child, Lossor. be it by blood or not, no one could ever surpass you for my love," I spoke softly, offering me a gentle smile. It was true: I could never hold someone higher than my son.

"Then why?!" he cried, breath heavy. "Why did you abandon me with the hobbit?!"

"To be able to speak with Thorin without him becoming all upset. If he couldn't come to terms with you living with me in Erebor, then I would leave, but you must understand it was a dragon who plagued him for so long. Dwarves can be narrow-minded, you know that."

"It's true," Bilbo put in.

"And you know what? He recently agreed to you staying in Erebor."

Lossor paused for a few moments. "But I want to stay here..." he murmured quietly, sword dropping to his side.

I furrowed my eyebrows, but allowed him to continue.

"Mm..." he whimpered, unable to find the words apparently. He shifted slightly until Elmeth came over to us further. He gently nuzzled Lossor with his head, and then it clicked.

"You... two are courting?" I inquired slowly.

Lossor quietly nodded. My face lit up and a wide grin spread across my face. 

"That's so exciting!" I exclaimed excitedly. "When in the world did you guys become a couple?!"

"Mm, well... We've been talking to each other for what, half a year now?" Lossor murmured, looking up at Elmeth who nodded in agreement and glanced back.

"Let us go back further into the cave. You know our friends don't handle the cold as well as us," Elmeth suggested, the cat a top his head yawning and stretching. She nestled back down between his horns before seemingly falling back asleep.

lossor hesitated, however finally nodded and lead Bilbo and I through complicated hallways that were covered in sparkling ice and echoed back very musical and faultless notes back to us. I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the cave as well as wonder if it was Elmeth who personally carved out the complex system. If so, why were there tooms that were too small for Elmeth to fit iin? Soon enough, we entered a room that was quite warm. There was little to not ice in the chamber and there were close to a hundred small beds, nearly each and every one filled with cats of all kinds.

"A lion," I breathed, slowly walking over in complete awe of the fact that there was an actual lion lying on a cat bed, surrounded by much smaller, domestic cats.

The large feline purred contently when I lightly put my hand on it's large head.

"Quite beautiful, no?" Elmeth murmured, watching me.

"I never though I'd see one again," I mumbled, sitting next to the beast. "Ah, but that's not why Bilbo and I are here. Lossor," I started, looking up at him. "Is there anything I can do? To gain your trust again?"

Lossor rubbed the back of his head, plopping down near Elmeth so that he could lean against his side. He debated silently for a few moments while Bilbo settled down next to me, warily watching the lion.

"Honestly, Hava? Even I could see that I was being childish," he mumbled offering a small smile. "You're my mom. Also, you've never done anything to harm me."

I smiled softly in return and nodded. "Uhm, speaking of parenthood, Elmeth, wasn't it you who gave me Lossor's egg?"

He nodded calmly. "I found you nearly frozen to death. I had been carrying his egg around every where in case he hatched."

"But why did you leave him with me?" I inquired. "Not that I'm in any way ungrateful."

"I brought you to Rivendell, unfortunately startling the elves in the process. I'd stopped by before to return a lost elfling. I've gotten used to being distrusted, so do not worry. I dropped you off outside of Rivendell, along their path so that they could find you. I thought about it for quite some time."

"It?" Bilbo inquired.

"What to do with Lossor," he sighed, shifting his wings to fit more comfortably on his back. "I could not keep him. Only certain dragons could survive in the cold and he was no one of them," he mumbled.

"That and who wants to raise a baby when you're only ten thousand years old? Far too young," Lossor teased playfully, lightly kissing Elmeth's cheek.

Elmeth snorted, shifting slightly again.

"I would have raised you if I knew you were capable of handling the cold," he murmured in response.

"But you left him with a complete stranger?" Bilbo inquired incredulously. 

"I.. knew he was already dead... I also knew that Hava was capable of bringing people back..." he mumbled. "I couldn't bear the thought of knowing that he had died because I was unable to provide."

Lossor nuzzled back against his lover reassuringly.

"Well, you most definitely made the right choice. However, I must question how you came across Lossor's egg? We found his father's remains on the battlefield and we couldn't find his mother," I informed him, eyebrows furrowed.

"You couldn't find his mother due to the fact that I buried her," Elmeth sighed, refusing to look to Lossor, who looked up at him in confusion. "She fought bravely during the Battle of the End, however she was fatally injured. Your... father, who was my right hand, died almost immediately on the field. I made sure he's death did not go by unavenged, I can assure you that."

Lossor offering him a small smile and gently kissed his shoulder lovingly. "I know..."

"Your mother came to me while I was helping to bury the dead. She... was so injured, however she made her way over to me and delivered you. She died three hours later," he mumbled softly, head resting on the ground.

"How long was he in his egg?" I inquired, frowning. "And what that, how are both of his parents dragons if he is at the very least half 'shifter?" I inquired.

"I never said his father was a dragon," Elmeth snorted, sending ice crystals flying. "Your father was a shifter and a powerful one. Normally, admittedly, dragons can be pig headed and don't play well with others, however, I saw his potential and apparently so did your mother," he explained. "And it was two hundred years before he hatched."

"Woah, would he have been dead long ago?" Bilbo Inquired.

"Dragons can spend up to three thousand years in their eggs," he answered. "I was not surprised he did not hatch until he was warm enough to do so."

"What... other form did my father take?" Lossor inquired quietly, pulling his long white hair over his shoulder so he could run his fingers through it.

"A griffin," Elmeth mumbled.

"Why did you pretend not to know me when you took me?" I asked suddenly, resting my head against the lion's back,

"Because I didn't really know you; only what I've heard of you," he snorted. "And no, I wasn't testing you with Jewel."

"I am sorry," I apologized softly, eyes downcast to my lap. "I just--"

"I am not angry at you, Hava, only at myself. That is all in the past now."

Everything was silent for a while until Lossor finally spoke up, "Hava? I know I have not been the most pleasant, However I was wondering if I might ask if you'd... give Elmeth and I your blessing?"

I paused, looking up in surprise. "But of course! Lossor, you don't need me blessing to be with whomever you please," I said softly.

"But it makes me happy. I'm happy that you accept us."

"I'll always accept you, Lossor," I murmured fondly.

"Ah, not to ruin the moment or anything, but, if I may not seem brash, what is your fascination with cats?" Bilbo inquired, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh... I'm not really sure myself. They're just... cute," Elmeth answered hesitantly as the cat stretched and accidentally slid off his head.

Lossor smirked playfully at Elmeth's embarrassment and gently put the cat in his lap. She purred and nestled up to him happily. We talked for a little longer before Bilbo and I decided it might be best for us to leave. Elmeth started to say something, but I heard only mumbling as black came in from the edges of my vision. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion when I looked back at me with concern. Seconds later, everything was black.

 

"I don't think you should travel," murmured a gentle, familiar voice to my right. "Something's wrong with Hava..."

"I'm just... tired," I mumbled, begrudgingly opening my eyes to soft firelight and Lossor on my right with Bilbo on my left. I think I was in a cat bed. A deep rumble came from my pillow and I looked up to see the Lion looking down at me.

"You were wide awake not too long ago, Hava," Bilbo noted, voice full of worry.

"Well how long was I out?" I inquired, slowly sitting up. I felt quite light-headed, however I did not let that stop me.

"Only a minute or two and you shouldn't be getting up," Lossor challenged, anxiously putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Bah... never mind me. I am well enough to journey; do not worry," I snorted.

Bilbo and Lossor glanced at each other before finally allowing me to stand. Elmeth calmly entered the room, a basket of cooked meat hanging from his mouth. He gently sat the basket down near us as well as another much large basket full of fish, which the cats hurried over to, in a different area. However, the lion seemed far more content to stay where he was as several other small domestic cats brought over a few fish for him.

"Ah... speaking of cats," I suddenly murmured, turning to Lossor. "You took my cat."

Lossor paused, then laughed. "Actually, she wouldn't let me go, so I brought her along. She's right here," he murmured, petting the calico cat that was much smaller than the others. Still a baby. I slowly nodded.

"...worthless..."

I paused and looked over at Bilbo. "What?"

He frowned. "Huh? I didn't say anything."

I shifted slightly in discomfort. Then who...?"

"Are you sure you're alright?" Lossor inquired softly, hand not leaving my shoulder.

"Of course, of course. So Elmeth, I've heard you have three siblings-- well, two now..." I said, quickly trying to change the subject.

Elmeth snorted roughly. "Smaug's death will not be mourned," he growled. "However, it is true: I have two siblings now. Two sisters: Malliath and Parath."

"You didn't tell me about them," Lossor commented.

"I haven't spoken to either of them in over a century, Lossor," he murmured, settling down near us. "I didn't think it necessary."

Lossor shrugged quietly, but leaned back against him nonetheless.

"And I agree with Lossor. There is a storm brewing and it would be unwise to travel in the middle of it," he informed us, turning back to me.

"It's late anyways," Bilbo added. "We can rest up here for the night and be ready in the morning."

I heaved a heavy sigh before nodding calmly.

"Fine, fine. Man you guys are persuasive," I chuckled.

"... disastrous and filthy..."

"What was that?" I asked Lossor, who quirked an eyebrow.

"What was what? Maybe you need some sleep, Hava," He murmured worriedly. 

I frowned, still concerned, however nodded.

"Maybe you're right. Thank you, Elmeth, for the food."

He only nodded and nudged Lossor towards the basket.

"All three of you should ear before you sleep," he suggested.

Lossor smiled lovingly up at him. and nodded in agreement. We ate quietly and rather slowly on my end. I didn't understand the fainting spells and admittedly understand the fainting spells and admittedly I was very concerned. My belly was full, I was completely hydrated and yet I felt so weak. Some outer force was sapping my energy and I knew that it wouldn't be long before I was completely out of energy and won't be able to move. I stared restlessly up at the ceiling, trying fruitlessly to figure out the course of my annoyance.


	13. Foreshadowing is a Bitch

Chapter Thirteen: Foreshadowing is a Bitch

 

"I'm sorry, Lady Hava, however we simply cannot depart at this time. The snow storm picked up more than I thought it would," Elmeth explained. "Even I cannot fly through this."

"It's all right," I sighed softly, sitting down once more due to my dizziness.

"Do you need some water?" Bilbo inquired gently, several cats piled up in his lap.

I shook my head. "No, no, I'm all right. It's you that I'm concerned for," I chuckled playfully, petting one of the calico cats in his lap.

Bilbo laughed quietly as another ashy feline clambered on his lap. He flopped onto his back, only to have three more cats climb up onto his torso. I also laid back, my head resting on the lion's back. I think it was mighty obvious to just about anyone that this feline reminded me of Fili and the reminder of him calmed and reassured me.

"Hava... I didn't want to say anything for I feared I may frighten you, however after Elmeth and I have discussed it further and agreed that you should know," Lossor mumbled, plopping down next to me. "We... think Sauron is hiding out in these mountains somewhere."

I swallowed hard. Sauron was to be feared and not only because he was powerful, but because he needed his body fixed and because he knew of me and my powers.

"You... waited this long? Why are you two still here?!" I exclaimed, quickly sitting back up, only to worsen my nausea.

"I'm sorry, Hava, but we didn't think he'd catch on that you were here so quickly. And we really can

t fly in that mess out there," he murmured.

"What... makes you think that he's here?" I asked quietly.

"Strong energy waves, sightings of creatures with whom I'm unfamiliar with," Elmeth snorted. "To name a few."

"But what about you guys? You cannot stay here while that monstrosity is supposedly running around! I will not allow it," I stated.

"And who do you think you are to demand this?" Elmeth snarled.

"Your mother-in-law and you friend who cares," I answered, an eyebrow quirked.

Elmeth huffed in annoyance and curled up next to Lossor.

"We can't just get up and leave... you do see how many cars there are here, right?" Lossor inquired, frowning. "It would take far too long to move them and we have no where to move them. By the time we found a place and moved them all, Sauron would know something was up and could do something to harm somebody."

I sighed angrily. "I'm not going to allow you to stay here."

"What about you? It's you that Sauron wants," Lossor painfully reminded me.

"Don't you think I know that?" I growled. "Don't you think I'm aware of how valuable my abilities are to him?! But he will never get his hands on me. I will never be so weak as to give in to his visions!"

"His what?" Lossor breathed, eyes wide. Even Elmeth looked alarmed.

"Why didn't you tell me about them earlier? Is that why you've been weak?" he inquired, moving closer so that he could feel my forehead and check my eyes.

"Lossor, please..." I grumbled, moving his hands away. "They will not lost. I will push that no good, cheap, party-trick wizard back to some slimy depths where he belongs," I snapped. "I am not afraid of him."

Lossor grinned widely at me. "That's what I want to see: Fire in those beautiful eyes! It's been too long since I've seen you like this, Hava..."

"Ah, no, no, stop embellishing your mother," I chuckled. "Just, please... Erebor is big and we can no doubt fit all of you."

Lossor snorted. "And what about your king, Thorin?"

"He will have no choice. You are his family as much as mine and family protect each other to the death," I growled. "I will speak to him once we get back, then send you word. How do you react around gold, Elmeth?"

"Like any other dragon. I stay away from it, unlike my brother, apparently. I could talk to one of my sisters," he suggested. 

I didn't like the thought of them staying here a second longer, however I couldn't argue any further on the subject.

"Go to sleep, now," Elmeth mumbled, lightly nudging Lossor.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled, changing into his dragon form. Even with his light hair and skin, his scales were as black as obsidian. He was a little over half the size of Elmeth, though that didn't seem to bother either of them, as Lossor curled up close to his lover, head resting on the ground. "I would sarcastically call you mother if she weren't right here."

I lightly rolled my eyes, but couldn't resist the small smile that formed on my lips when Elmeth hair his head down as well, resting it close to Lossor's.

"I do what I must if it means you are healthy and safe," he mumbled, wing opening up and resting atop Lossor's being.

"Mm, I know," he responded fondly, moving closer.

"My word, those two are adorable," Bilbo murmured, also smiling.

I nodded in agreement. "They are... Makes me miss Fili, though," I sighed, resting back against the lion.

"Oh, I know, I deeply miss Thorin, that stubborn lump of cuteness," he chuckled, also lying down, disappearing underneath a pile of cats and blankets.

I smiled a little more and gazed up at the ceiling again. This was going to be a long night.

Darkness I was used to. I've spent many a night hiding in the darkness from people who wanted to hurt me. But this was a different darkness. This was a consuming darkness that stole my breath and made my skin literally drawl. Something powerful was hidden away in this darkness and I knew exactly who it was, too.

Sauron.

Intense whispering started from my left and traveled ever so slowly to my right. I knew better than to act like a sitting duck, so I slowly, carefully started walking along, steps tentative. Things similar to tree branches, twigs, sharp, brushed against my face with malicious intent, The scratches started to sting and fester, as if laced with poison. Logically, I knew this was no more real than my love for Thranduil, however my emotional side was taking a toll. Anxiety and dear made my heart race dangerously and my stomach lurch so violently I thought I might puke. Suddenly, I noticed that the whispered stopped, only to have them start again, much more clearly than the last time.

"Pathetic. Useless. Mediocre."

My hands found their way up to my shoulders and I hugged myself tightly. There was no comfort to be found and I sobbed. Those voices sounded so familiar, but my hear was beating so loudly I couldn't make them out properly. My breath sharpened and my chest constricted. Why did these faceless words hurt so much? Where was I? Why couldn't I breath!?

A light.

There was a light in the distance, but it was so blurry. So blurry, but so pure. I could feel the purity humming from the light and my legs felt lighter than I thought they ever could. Running. I was running towards the light; calling out desperately for someone, anyone. Fili? Lossor? Bilbo?! Why couldn't I see?!

A bright light.

Airlessness.

Falling.

Falling, faster, faster. There was no ground. Not until I hit the sea with such force I thought I evaporated. However, there was no water in this sea. Instead, it felt as if there were needles. I let out a whimper and even though I wasn't moving, there was nothing I could do to stop the pain. The whispers became louder and louder. Where ever the hell I was became hotter and hotter and it seemed as though my body was melting, my skin seeping from my bones.

Shut up, shut up! I tried to scream. It felt as though I would explode if I did not melt first.

"Healer."

"Hava?" Bilbo murmured softly, hand on my shoulder.

"Mom?" Lossor gently put a hand up to my forehead.

"You're pretty warm... Do you think she's sick?" he asked Bilbo concernedly.

"Perhaps. It is rather chilly here," Bilbo pointed out.

"I'm... I'm all right," I said after a while, carefully sitting up.

"Are you going to be all right?" Elmeth inquired softly, several felines climbing all over his head, which was rested on the ground.

I couldn't resist a smile from forming on my lips at the sight. "I do believe I'll be quite all right," I reassured him and the other two. "Has the storm dissipated?"

"Not yet and it seems as though it may be a few days," Elmeth mumbled, nose wrinkling being the only sign he noticed the cats jumping all over him when a kitten stepped on his nostril.

I simply nodded and leaned back against my new friend. We spent several more hours nibbling on food and helping me stand and be able to do so on my own. Now we were sitting calmly, petting cats and inquiring who was who. It amazed me that Elmeth never once became confused.

"So, how are you and Fili doing?" Lossor asked me abruptly.

"Ah... well, well..." I murmured, admittedly blushing. "We had one blissful night together."

"I thought you made it back several days ago."

"Heh, well... the issue just happens to be that... someone was trying his damnedest to put us together and I was too stupid to do anything except mope," I snorted, shaking my head.

"Bilbo was telling me something about a mishap with Thranduil? I hope that doesn't come back to bite anyone," Lossor mumbled, quirking an eyebrow.

"Thranduil may be pompous, but he has no right to hold a grudge," I muttered.

"But you had a blissful night none the less? How was your morning? It's always the night after your first time that counts," Lossor chuckled.

"Excuse you," I said quickly. "First of all, that would not have been my first time with someone. I had... an interesting relationship with that town midwife," I recalled, smiling somewhat to myself. "Secondly, we didn't make love," I mumbled, gaze averting.

"Well, no shame in that," Bilbo piped in. "Not like Thorin and I did when we first slept together."

"The first time alone?"

"Er, okay, well... that was... I see your point," he mumbled, gaze also averting.

"So you guys did do it on your first night alone?" Lossor teased Bilbo, smirk playing at his lips.

"Didn't you guys?" Bilbo asked quickly, eyebrows furrowed.

"No, actually, we didn't," Lossor chuckled, lightly kissing Elmeth's cheek. "He's been a complete gentleman, actually. Well, until I decided enough was enough and I demanded--"

"Woah, wait a second!" I exclaimed, hands up to block the verbal assault. "Nasty man..." I chuckled. "You guys waited congratulations. You guys didn't, congrats to you, too," I told Bilbo. "I... can't say we'll... ever have... or do anything," I mumbled, face tinting pink.

"What ever for? He doesn't seem asexual and obviously you aren't," Lossor murmured.

"Well, I don't want Fili to... to you know... see..."

"Oh mom! You," he said, moving closer and taking me by my shoulders, "are beautiful. You know he's not going to care about all your scars. I bet he'll even think they're cute," he added, grinning lightly. "I'm sure he has twice as many scars."

"But not in any of the same places," I mumbled, but shrugged. "We'll see."

"He's not going to love you any less than before. He knows you have scars," Bilbo pointed out, hand over one such scar on my forearm.

I looked down at said scar and smiled a little. "Fili actually gave me that. Well, hold on, that came out weird. He was trying to teach me how to use a sword correctly."

"He actually let you touch a sword?" Lossor snorted.

"Yeah, well, I stumbled and he cut me. Of course, he freaked out, but well, it took a few hours, but he calmed down," I chuckled.

"He has no honor if he cannot love you after seeing you in your natural state," Elmeth grunted, somewhat suddenly.

Lossor blinked, but then grinned widely and kissed him again, practically purring. Elmeth grunted again and lightly nudged him with his head. Bilbo and I smiled fondly at the couple.

"So, when's the wedding?" Lossor inquired abruptly.

I paused, blinked a few times.

"W-When did I--?"

"Oh, please," Lossor snorted.

"Okay, okay. I don't know. Really!" I exclaimed after receiving a look of disbelief from him. "I don't even know if there will be a wedding."

"Yeah. right," Bilbo chuckled. "You two are most definitely going to wed. All he ever talked about while you were away was you and how much he's much rather marry you."

"And... how did you know that?" I inquired, eyebrow quirking playfully.

"Kili. More specifically, drunk Kili. Fili wanted to spend the night with you, Kili wanted to drink with someone and apparently Thrin and I made for great drinking partners. He talked a lot about how Fili talked about you while he was sick.

"He did? I'm amazing that he was able to talk at all," I mumbled. "The pain I was in was... especially towards the end."

"Well, it was pretty feverish... anyways, he apparently raved on about how he wanted to marry you and not some random dwarrow," Bilbo murmured, offering a small smile. "He wasn't very secretive about his feelings."

I just let out a small laugh. "Kili never really asked me, but he just... knew that I loved him," I murmured fondly. "Ah, I remember when I was watching over Bard's children for a little bit, with Fili of course, he had so much fun. Well, he was upset about Kili, but I'm pretty sure the kids made him feel better," I mumbled, smiling a little bit more.

"Hava..." Bilbo put a hand reassuringly on my forearm. "You guys will figure something out, I'm sure. The both of you are very resourceful."

I smiled a little bit more down at him.

"You are just a wonder to be around, Bilbo Baggins." I said happily, ruffling his hair.

"Hey, so you'll be queen, won't you?" Lossor inquired.

"Oh Mahal..." I muttered.

"What, you don't want to be queen?" Lossor chuckled.

"Dwarves are by nature stubborn and the thought of a human sitting on their throne really doesn't sound pleasing to them" I snorted. "You honestly can't tell me I wouldn't be hassled the entire time."

Bilbo shrugged. "I think... they're becoming more tolerable," he murmured, smiling a little more. "Oh and... do you believe in Mahal?"

"I don't believe in any higher power except for the wizards," I said. "I'm pretty sure I just let it catch on," I said with a shrug. "I... think that I need some air," I mumbled, starting to stand.

"We'll accompany you," Lossor said, standing as well.

"No, no, I'm okay, honestly," I chuckled lightly, allowing Lossor to help me stand. 

Bilbo wrinkled his nose in uncertainty, but finally said, "If you're not back in ten minutes, we'll come out to get you, okay?"

"I'll only be a minute, I promise," I said playfully.

I calmly walked out, wrapping my blanket around me tightly as I went out into the outer changer when the frigid air struck my face. I shivered, thinking about the position I was in relationship wise. What would it be like when we got back? The feeling of knowing I get to go back to Fili, to lying with him in bed, to sleeping next to him, to seeing him, to seeing his smile when I first wake up. My felt tight and butterflies swarmed my belly at the thought and I just sighed blissfully. Something pulled me out into the open, so I went outside. 

It didn't even seem like it was storming; more like it was a gentle snow fall. It was so serene and peaceful that I didn't notice the person sneaking up behind me.

 

ilbo


	14. Silver Linings Don't Always Exist

Chapter Fourteen: Silver Linings Don't Always Exist

 

My mind was so fuzzy. So... Why...? Oh, ow... ow, ow, my head... I sat as still as possible, hoping to relax my body. The moment I hoped my eyes could take it, I slowly opened them. To my pleasure, it was fairly dark, where ever I was. My eyes were quick to adjust, however to my displeasure, I couldn't identify my surroundings. I tried to stand, but something yanked my arms down. Upon seeing the chains holding me down, I grumbled in annoyance and simply sat, waiting. I knew it had to be interesting when an elf with golden irises and pitch black sclera came up to me. I glared at him silently, waiting for him to say something. He sat just as silently, seeming content to stare me down.

"Three guesses. Stop me if I'm wrong," I said calmly, quirking an eyebrow. When he said nothing, I continued. "Elf... Goblin King-- Oh wait, he's dead. Does that count?" I inquired. "No? Well then... Sauron."

The elf, presumably originating from Mirkwood, simply smirked lightly and nodded.

"He told me you would be intuitive," he spoke softly, slowly and deliberately. He was patient and almost considerable of my migraine.

"Or maybe he sent me a very lovely dream last night," I responded with a light shrug. "Great touch with all the needles, by the way, Sauron," I grumbled.

"He wanted to dangle the first of many, though unnecessary if you play well, pains he intends to inflict on you," he sighed lightly, practically gliding over and leaning against the cave wall, arms crossed over his chest.

"And what might he want with me?" I inquired quietly, not particularly liking where this was going.

It was dark, the only source of light coming from two torches on either side of me, attached to the wall. I watched the elf, curiosity tingling in my chest while fear burned and gurgled in my belly. It's not like this was the first I've been kidnapped and certainly not by some big bad guy on a power trip. What was his end game?

"Lord Sauron wishes to test your healing powers," he said calmly.

I thought for a moment. "And I'm under the presumption that because you haven't thought it easier to simply come say hi, what he really wants from me is something no sane person could ever ask for. Oh, and because this is Sauron and not some low life bandit king, I have just the tiniest of inklings that he wants to of, say, restore some vital organs and maybe a little bit of skin?" When the elf narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, I simply shook my head. "You people... Do you honestly think that's how this works? You're more idiotic than I ever imagined possible," I grumbled, shaking my head more.

"That's what we're going to find out," he mumbled coolly, before turning and leaving.

 

Several hours later and he was back, this time with a taller orc, who was snarling eagerly.

"Oh, hey, company," I murmured lightly, quirking an eyebrow again. "So, what's your name? Both of you."

"Galor," the elf surprisingly answered. "Sauron has a proposition for you: Make him a body or die."

"Oh, okay. I guess death is cool," I said, shrugging calmly.

"He told me you would say that. Bloodhorn," he ordered.

"Heh-heh," Bloodhorn cackled as he made his way over.

Without a single warning, he snatched my arm and ripped it off. I let out a cry of pain, tears quickly forming in my eyes. Anyone else would have passed out from blood loss or shock, but I just tentatively watched Galor with intense loathing. I only felt dizzy because although I studied Sauron, I didn't expect him to break his new toy so quickly. Of course he must know that I can simply reattach it... right?

"What the hell does he want a new body for, anyways?" I snarled through clenched teeth.

"That is not of your concern," he answered coolly. "All that you have been commissioned--"

"Commissioned?!" I interrupted. "Are you insane?! Don't you think I've figured out that the moment I finish, you will slaughter me like cattle?!"

Bloodhorn cackled deeply. "Stupid woman! We plan on hypnotizing you! Why would we dispose of such a useful pawn?"

I glanced from him to Galor, slowly nodded. "So you'll just keep ripping limbs off until I say yes? Well. I'm not very useful without them, just so you know," I grumbled. I was never a very violent person and my line of defense was usually my poorly-timed witted tongue.

Galor let the smallest of smiles play at this lips before leaving again, this time taking the torches with him. Once I was shrouded in darkness, I allowed my eyes to droop with sadness. Fili...

 

I've no idea how much time had passed before I noticed the light from a flame coming around the corner. I quirked an eyebrow upon seeing Galor and Bloodhorn once again.

"Hey, I was starting to miss you guys," I commented.

Behind Galor and Bloodhorn came another, seemingly lesser orc with a barrel. Liquids sloshed around inside, but I did not falter in expression. The barrels was placed so close to me that I had to move my foot so that it would not be crushed. I sniffed it and wrinkled my nose.

"Eugh... You could've at least made it water or even wine... orc's blood doesn't sit well on the tongue, after all,." I grumbled, sitting back against the cave wall.

Though I didn't stay there for long. Bloodhorn came over and roughly snatched my arm and forced me to stand in front of the barrel. The smell was even worse from above with the top open. I wrinkled my nose again and I wished I could cover it.

"You will make Sauron a body," Galor ordered, arms crossed over his chest.

"When will you realize that I am no fool?" I inquired.

"When will you realize that you are?" he shot right back at me.

I was about to speak once again, however Bloodhorn had other plans. Suddenly, my head was submerged into the barrel and orc blood filled my lungs at an alarming rate. I gagged and chocked, trying to force out the blood, but if I dared open my mouth, more only flooded in. When Bloodhorn lifted my head and I vomited what I could back into the barrel. My entire torso burned like a wild fire and my eyes watered.

"You will make Sauron a body,"Galor commanded, unmoving.

"I will not--" Right back into the barrel I went. Choking, gagging and lungs burning. I was becoming dizzy again, reeling.

"You will make Sauron a body," Galor repeated, surprisingly not becoming impatient.

My breath was labored and hoarse, but there was no way I could let this get to me. I spent six months being tortured by Azog the Defiler. This was nothing compared to what he would do. Then again, it truly was unfortunate for me that I should be unable to die. And it's not like there was anyone here that A) is dead and B) I would even want to give my life force to. I glared lightly at the elf.

"Fuck you," I heaved.

Bloodhorn laughed. "She has spun, I'll give 'er that!" he exclaimed, large shoulders shaking from the laughter.

With only a glare from Galor, my head was yet again submerged into the orc blood. When I came up, sputtering again, Galor repeated his same request. I vomited, my throat burning even more. Maybe if I forced myself to faint, they would leave. I started to make some stupid retort before I went limp, hitting my head against the side of the barrel and I was out like a light.

 

When I awoke once again, it was dark and my face felt sticky from the coagulated blood. I slowly blinked my eyes open and, after groggily sitting still, I searched for anything sharp enough. I groped around in the dark and grumbled several swear words when I put my finger on something. A blade. Presumably orcish of style and probably dropped by that lower orc. I leaned back against the wall and let out a raspy breath. My lungs would be destroyed if I didn't act quickly and, although I can grow back new ones, it was rather painful and I had no interest in letting them know their torture was working. I cut open my shirt and felt around for the right spot. The dagger was tiny and fairly thin, but the only thing that concerned me was that I couldn't sanitize it. There wasn't even any fire.

I paused suddenly. Galor took the fire away from me. Did he foresee me doing this? I grumbled to myself and took a deep breath. I tried my hardest not to flinch when I pierced my lungs with the dagger. I wailed for a moment. Nothing hollow around to hasten the flow, so all I could do was remove the knife and puncture my other lung. I rested against the wall a little more and allowed the orc blood to drain from my body in slow streams. Unfortunately, I had nothing to suture my wounds, but I wasn't too worried. Doubly unfortunately, I had no time to prepare for the next assault.

From around the corner came the warmth of flame and followed by the ever familiar faces of my torturers.

"Awake, I see," Galor murmured lightly. "Ah, and you've even emptied your lungs, though at this rate, you might bleed out. Can't have that," he sighed as if this was such a cumbersome job.

Galor himself came over and heated a blunt object. It reminded me of a hammer, but with a ball at the end of the metal rod. I watched with tentative curiosity and eventually tried to inquire what he was up to, but I never even managed to open my mouth before the heated metal was pressed to one of the puncture wounds. I gasped sharply, tears pricking my eyes. There was a moment of relief before he put the metal to the there wound and I just clenched my jaw.

"Your wounds are cauterized now," he said before standing and handing the object and the fire to Bloodhorn. "But your problems aren't over. You will make a new body for Sauron."

"Nah," I mumbled, chest tingling from the burns.

Bloodhorn wasted no time in sauntering over, heating that stupid object all the way over. I watched him carefully and before I knew it, he jabbed it against my cheek. I gasped once again and tried to move away, but he went where ever I went. I tried all I could to get away, but in the end I found it futile so I simply sat there and let it be over with. Just more scars to add. I'm not saying I'm immune to the pain, but let's just say I've gotten used to it.

"You will make Sauron a new body," he repeated.

"Hey, here's a thought: If Sauron is supposed to be such a great wizard, why doesn't he just make himself a body?" I snapped.

"That is not of your concern," he replied coolly.

"Okay. Maybe it's that he can't. Maybe he's just not powerful enough. It's true that making a body is complicated, but it's not as hard as everyone things," I grumbled. "You just have to have the know-how."

"And you'll use that knowledge to make Sauron a new body," he ordered.

"Tell me why I should?" I snapped.

"The torture will stop," he said simply.

"You'll die before I do," I grumbled.

"And they'll be another after me," he sighed. "Bloodhorn."

The large orc nodded and, since he was heating the object while we spoke, shoved it against my neck. I flinched, but help my ground.

"You will make Sauron a new body," he repeated.

"I won't!" I exclaimed.

I never will.


	15. I Will Not Fall

Have I ever mentioned how scared of the dark I am? Of course I expected Sauron to play off of it, however did I ever tell you where my fear originated? I traveled alone for two centuries and back then, knightly ship didn’t mean what it meant now. Knights used to think that, because they were dubbed so righteous by the king, they could do whatever they wanted. It made me sick to my stomach even to think about it. There had been so many rumors about knights going about and raping girls, no matter the age, with no repercussions. I was terrified, of course. Even now, it can still be dangerous, however there was nearly a one-hundred perfect chance at least someone would be attacked every night. I tried to avoid towns, however if I really had no choice, I made sure to be in heavily populated inns. 

I had always been meaning to learn self defense, however not many people were willing to give a woman the time of day if it wasn’t for sex. Until Lossor came alone, it wasn’t spiders or goblins that I was scared of encountering, it was men in the dark. I was lucky, however. I was only raped once. It seems harsh, however I knew of women who were attacked several times over. No one ever deserves to be raped and no one should ever live in constant fear of it happening. Even now, even If I’m with Lossor Fili or Bilbo, I can’t shake the feeling that a man will come from the darkness and take me. Of course, the fact that they’d kept me in the dark, for Mahal knows how long, means that I’ve started going blind already.

"You will give Sauron a new body.“

There he is. He sure did waste a lot of time trying to psych me out. I rested my head back against the wall.

"As fun as this is, couldn’t you have spent this entire month doing something useful?”

"How the hell did she know it’d been a month?!“ snapped the large orc.

"Magic,” I mumbled. “Seriously, though, you could have been teaching yourselves something like oh hey, I hear knitting is a good past time.”

"Knittin’s for girls! ‘Sides, I already know,“ grumbled the orc.

"I’m tired of your tongue,” sighed the elf.

The orc came towards me, large shears in hand. I watched him carefully.

"How am I supposed to tell you how to make the body if you take my tongue?“ I asked quickly, eyeing the shears.

"You’ll be the one making the body,” Healer,“ he replied coolly. "When you say yes, we’ll reattach your tongue and unless you say yes, any other body parts we may take from you.”

"How the hell do you expect me to say yes without a tongue?“ I snapped, moving my head so that the orc couldn’t grab it.

"You’re smart girl, you’ll think of something.” That bastard practically purred that stupid quip.

He knew this was one big waste of time. He knew Azog had tortured and defiled me for almost a decade. He knew this wasn’t affecting me nearly as much as it should anyone else. He didn’t care. That elf had probably tortured at least one of every creature on this planet except for someone like me. I was his guinea pig and it made me want to vomit. I disliked being treated different by other people because of my curse, be it by over whelming praise or death threats, but this was a whole new level of disgusting. I was certain now that it had been this elf who suggested me to Sauron, but not for Sauron’s favor. Distracted, the orc had opportunity to grab a hold of my jaw and wrenched it open. He wasted no time in snipping off a good chunk of tongue, which flopped to the floor and writhed in pain. I screamed from the pain and pulled back, only to smash my head against the cave wall. Unconsciousness gratefully stole me away.

 

Fili’s POV

"What if she’s not even in Middle Earth anymore?“ Ori asked softly, wringing his hands.

I shot him an annoyed glare. She has to be here…

"Brother, you know he has a point. We don’t know who took her or why. Maybe it’s because she’s healer, maybe it’s because she’s a woman. You can’t keep treating everyone poorly for giving helpful suggestions,” Kili pointed out, putting a hand on my arm.

"How is that helpful?!“

"Brother…”

I sighed heavily and stared at the map.

"She has to be here, she just has to be,“ I murmured. I knew I sounded desperate, but that’s what I was. "Bilbo, what exactly do you remember?”

He frowned deeply. The hobbit had been through this a thousand times, but what if we missed something so important, so crucial to her survival?

"She said she wanted to go out for some air and she took too long, so Elmeth went out to look for her and came back with her hair clip,“ he murmured for the hundredth time.

"The marital hair clip that I gave her?”

He nodded tiredly. He’d been out ever since she went missing, looking all over the mountains on Lossor’s back. They hadn’t been able to even really see anything with the storm, but afterwards, the fresh snow had covered any trace of a kidnapping. I tired demanding someone take me out there, but both Lossor and Elmeth were exhausted from the constant flying. It took a lot of convincing for Thorin to let Elmeth even stay in the main entrance to rest. It had been almost a week since they came back and I was hoping at least one of them will be able to take me to the mountains. There has to be something they missed.

"Fine… you should rest, Bilbo,“ I mumbled finally, gaze reverting back to the large, detailed map of Middle Earth that was in the library.

The library. Hava loved being in here. She was always so excitable when it came to books, especially when it came to learning things about us dwarves. A small smile played at my lips when I glanced over and could just picture Hava in her favorite, plush chair, totally captured in one of her many books. I let my gaze linger on the chair before returning back to the map. This search was taking too long, we needed more people. Hava… We will find you. I promise.


End file.
